


The Kilted Stripper

by headoverhook



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-23
Updated: 2014-10-01
Packaged: 2018-01-20 12:33:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 28,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1510574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/headoverhook/pseuds/headoverhook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. If someone would have told her a month ago that she would fall in love with a stripper she would have called them insane because that would never happen to Emma Swan. At least not until she met Killian Jones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**This idea came to me while talking to a friend. It's completely silly and I'm loving it so much already. I hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: Characters not mine! But the story is!**

* * *

**Prologue**

Her head was pounding and she wanted to go home. But Ruby had been so giddy and happy, pouncing around and telling her she found that great new club, women only, and Emma pinched her nose imagining what might happen later.

Probably some cheap strip show with men who weren't really that good looking and screeching women who would make her headache even worse.

The strobe light was hurting her eyes and she reached for her cocktail, taking a huge sip as she stared at the women dancing on the floor, hoping this night might be over sooner than later.

"It's almost time." Ruby shouted into her ear, slipping on the stool beside her and Emma rolled her eyes.

"Time for what?"

"The show of course."

Emma contemplated to just flee the scene and make up an excuse for Ruby later but then the music stopped and Ruby dug her fingers into her arm as a voice came over the speaker.

"And now, welcome to the party … Mr. Killian Jones, the kilted stripper."

She almost hit her head against the table.

Kilt? Really?

God, she was hoping he wasn't one of those strippers who weren't suited to strip in public at all, with their belly almost hanging over the belt and fat wobbling everywhere. She didn't think she could deal with that right now.

She didn't even look up at the stage as she heard the first screeches, women freaking out all around her, making her cringe.

"Oh my God!" Ruby's breathless whisper directly beside her ear made her head snap up.

Oh my God, indeed.

Her mouth literally fell open as she stared at the vision in front of her. Sculpted chest, the exact right amount of sculpted, hair fanning out over his chest and sizzling out down his stomach, disappearing behind the kilt.

Dark hair, blue eyes and scruff …

_Fuck my life!_


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the comments, bookmarks and kudos.  
**

* * *

**Chapter 2**

What in all freaking hell was that? Why wasn't he some dude who was slightly overweight and not really good looking at all? Why did he have to be an adonis she wanted to lick all over?

_Get your mind out of the gutter, Swan._

But she couldn't. He was just gorgeous. Her walls actually clenched as her eyes trailed over his upper body. Of course they had put some oil on him so that his muscles were glistening in the light every time he moved and his smile had to be illegal.

She growled, burying her head in her hands, fighting the urge to hit it against the table. She needed to get laid. That was it. It just had been too long since the last time. She wouldn't be drooling all over him if she wouldn't be sexually frustrated. Her battery-operated friend couldn't replace the feeling of the real thing hitting her deep inside, of a warm body pressing her into the mattress, of lips almost bruising her, of passionate kisses and mind-blowing orgasms. Orgasms that made your heart slam into your throat, made you forget how to breathe, made you forget everything around you for just a few seconds when you spiraled into mindless bliss.

She groaned again, pressing her palms into her eye sockets. She needed to get her mind of this matter otherwise she had to go to the bathroom and get herself off.

"This might be fun after all." Regina's voice drifted to her from the right and she peeked through her fingers, biting her tongue to not let out an expletive.

This wasn't happening. She wasn't sitting in a club surrounded by screeching women while the hottest men she had ever seen in her life were stripping right in front of her.

"Do you think Robin Hood is a stage name?" Regina shouted into her ear. "It must be. Because who would name their kid Robin when the last name is Hood."

They were standing with their backs facing the crowd now and Emma licked her lips, feeling her nipples tighten under her bra. This was ridiculous. This was utterly ridiculous. She wanted nothing more than to run her fingers over the muscles of his back. She wanted to slip her hand under his kilt to make sure he was really not wearing anything underneath how it should be.

Another name was announced and a third stripper jumped on the stage, Ruby letting out a contended sigh beside her.

She needed to get out of here. Now.

But then the music started and she actually hit her head against the table. Repeatedly.

Joe Cocker's ' _You Can Leave Your Hat On_ ' blasted out of the speakers and she pinched her nose.

Could it get any more cliché?

Apparently.

Her hands clenched into fists as three hats sailed through the air and were caught by the strippers, put onto their heads as they started to move to the music.

And how they moved.

Three poles came down from the ceiling and she gaped. She literally gaped as they started to actually pole dance and it should have been disgusting but it was plain hot and her breath hitched in her throat as he swirled around the pole and she actually got a brief glimpse under the kilt.

God, he was really wearing nothing underneath.

She was wet. She was soaking wet and couldn't keep her eyes off him. She wanted to feel him. Deep inside of her. She wanted to kiss every inch of his body, wanted to wrap her lips around him and suck him hard until he would spurt his release into her mouth. She wanted him to fuck her against the wall until she was sore. She wanted him to take her from behind until she screamed for mercy.

_No._

She practically yelled the word in her head as he flipped the hat from his head and held it in front of his crotch, his fingers reaching for the belt that kept his kilt in place.

_No. No. No. No. No. No._

And then the kilt was gone, the hat the only thing that kept her from seeing him completely naked and the flush crept up her cheeks as he turned around and she could see his ass muscles flex.

"Excuse me." She mumbled and jumped up from her chair, rushing towards the bathrooms.

Fortunately all women were still outside, enjoying the show and she stormed into a cabin, smashing the door shut behind her, her fingers shaking as she flipped the lock.

She almost ripped the button of her jeans off as she yanked it open, her fingers shooting down and sliding into her panties, a low growl slipping over her lips as she started rubbing furiously at her clit.

Her eyes fell shut as she slipped the other hand under her shirt and pushed her bra up, closing her fingers around her nipple and twirling it, flicking her fingernail over it, pictures of the handsome stripper flickering over her closed eye lids, his body moving over hers and she came violently the moment the door opened and several women entered the room, her walls clenching as she was hit by wave after wave.

Biting her tongue she kept moving her finger, riding out her own orgasm, waiting for the waves to subside before she pulled her fingers out and reached for the toilet paper with her other hand, cleaning most off her fingers and flushing the toilet. Rightening her clothes, she took in a deep breath before she opened the door and stepped out.

Her fingers were trembling as she held them under the water, her body still humming from the orgasm she had given herself and she looked up, studying her face in the mirror.

Thankfully all the other women looked as flushed as she looked and she dried her hands off, making sure her nipples weren't still hard peebles before she walked out the door.

"Everything alright?" Ruby asked as she joined them at the table.

"Sure. I just needed to pee."

"Okay."

Ruby was eyeing her suspiciously and she was glad that no one could see the flush creeping up her cheeks in the dim light. She grabbed her cocktail, taking a huge sip, trying to calm down.

But then one of the waiters approached their table, holding a note towards her and she furrowed her brows, reaching for it, glaring questioningly up at the waiter.

"It's from Mr. Jones."

Mr. Jones? She couldn't believe it. This was not a note from _him_. It couldn't be.

But when she looked up she met his gaze as he leaned against the wall of the hallway leading to the backstage area. He was still wearing the kilt, a hoodie covering his upper body and she gulped hard as she met his blue gaze, saw his mouth tilt up into a lopsided grin as he nodded towards the paper.

She looked down at the note in her hand and opened it slowly, heat shooting through her body, her walls started to flutter as she remembered the orgasm from only a minute ago and she clenched her teeth, furious with her own reaction.

_Fuck you!_


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter was supposed to be longer but then the stills happened and this is all I've got for today.** :-)

* * *

It was a job. It brought money. Money he needed to pay his debts.

Why shouldn't he use the gift of a body God had given him?

He wasn't ashamed to show it off. He didn't go to the gym every day for nothing and if women screeched his name and threw money at him … better for him.

And he liked stripping. He knew he would earn himself some weird looks if he would ever say it out loud but he loved to dance. He loved to show off his body. He was an arrogant prick. Everyone knew that.

He mashed the voice that told him he hadn't been a prick before back into the darkest corner of his mind and put on a big smile as his name came over the speakers and he walked out on the stage.

The show was routine. He didn't need to concentrate. He could let his eyes roam over the crowd before him without missing a step or move.

The date neared and he felt queasy. He would pick one out of the crowd tonight, hoping he would score and would get a fuck for the night or at least a quickie behind the club and if he would get really lucky she would go down on her knees and suck him off, take his mind off other things. Things he didn't want to think about.

His eyes flickered over the crowd. Back and forth. And then he saw her. Her face buried in her hands, the only one who wasn't looking up at the stage and he wondered why. But then she looked up and even blended by the lights above him he could see her stiffen, could see her mouth opening slightly.

_Got you!_

The smile on his face broadened as he flipped the hat from his head and put it in front of his crotch, reaching for the clasp of his belt and ripping the kilt off him in one swift move, the whole crowd gasping, the screeches getting higher as they turned around and showed the women their well-toned backsides.

He caught a movement out of the corner of his eyes, saw her rushing towards the bathrooms and a minute later the show was over and he walked off the stage, taking the kilt someone holding towards him and flipping it around his waist, tightening the clasp before he went to their dressing room, pulling a hoodie over his head, reaching for a pen and paper and contemplating which one of his pick-up lines he should use, choosing the second one, the more aggressive one and jotting it down before he went back into the club.

"George?" The waiter stopped dead in his tracks, looking at him questioningly and he held up the folded paper. "For the blond at table four."

He leaned against the wall and folded his arms over his chest, waiting for her to read the message. Her eyes searched his as George told her from whom the message was and his mouth curled up into a smile as he nodded towards the paper, urging her silently to read it.

He chuckled as he saw the flush creep up her cheeks. She had turned bright red. He could even see it in the dim light.

"You wrote another note, didn't you?"

He turned his head and looked at Robin, a shit-eating grin splitting up his face. "I did."

"Which one is it? The sucking or the fucking one."

"The sucking one."

"You are incorrigible."

"What? It's fun."

"Of course it's fun for you." Robin sighed, rolling his eyes. "You get either laid and if you get lucky you even get a blow-job or you can watch them leave the club completely mortified and laugh your ass off."

"Exactly."

"He found another victim?" Victor joined them, looking over the club to find out which woman Killian had chosen, his eyes locking on a blond with bright red cheeks, a crumbled paper between her fingers.

"Let me guess." Victor turned his head to look at Killian. "Wanna suck me off?"

Killian let out another chuckle and nodded, causing Victor to shake his head. "You are gonna get sued for sexual harassment one day, Jones."

"Maybe." Killian replied. "Maybe."

He hadn't seen her coming but when he turned around to watch her again she was already standing in front of him and before he could say anything she lifted her hand and slapped him, her hand colliding with his cheek, making his head whip around with the force.

"You bastard!" She slammed the note against his chest and stormed away.

"Looks like you found your master." Robin chuckled.

Killian wiggled his jaw, trailing his fingers over the burning skin and scoffed. "Please. I just take another one."

"But she had fire." Victor told him, slapping him on the shoulder before his two friends turned around and walked away, back to the dressing room to change into normal clothes.

He looked at the door, feeling a slight twitch of regret deep in his stomach. He would have enjoyed going some rounds with this spitfire.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for the comments and kudos!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 4**

"Emma, where is the coffee?"

She furrowed her brows, trying to remember where she had put it after making herself the strongest coffee she'd ever had. She was actually surprised the spoon didn't stand upright in it.

She wasn't sleeping well lately and one of the reasons was a certain dark-haired prick who haunted her dreams, made her jerk up sweat-soaked, not being able to go back to sleep until she slipped her fingers between her legs and pleasured herself while pictures of his naked torso flitted over her closed eyelids.

"Aehm, ..." She pressed her fingers against her forehead but Graham's voice interrupted her thought process.

"Never mind. Found it."

She closed her eyes and leaned her head on the backrest, wrapping her fingers around the warm mug in her hand.

"So, what has gotten into you?" She blinked one eye open and turned her head slowly, wondering how anyone could look so awake that early in the morning.

"Leave me alone, August. I haven't had my coffee yet."

"Here you go." Graham stepped into the living room, holding one cup out to August who took it with a murmured thanks and a smile, scooting over so that Graham could sit beside him and Graham slipped onto the couch, leaning forward and pressing a kiss against August's lips. "Good morning, love."

Emma couldn't keep herself from smiling because these two were so stinking cute and she ignored the pang she felt as she watched them exchange amorous glances. Was it preposterous to wish for something like this too?

"So, Emma." Graham entwined his fingers with August's and both turned around to her, the expression on their faces making her groan inwardly. "What's up with you?"

She could hardly tell them about the stripper that invaded her dreams every damn night. They would go after him if they found out about the note. She hadn't even told Ruby, no matter how much her friend had begged her to reveal what had been on that note.

But the stripper wasn't the only thing weighing on her mind. _The_ date came closer and her throat closed up, a shudder running over her body as the old memories slammed back into her.

"Ian's birthday is soon."

She didn't have to say anything further. Both knew why her nephew's birthday was giving her heartache and joy at the same time and Graham leaned forward, grabbing her hand and squeezing it softly.

"Whatever we can do for you two." He said gently, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand. "We are here for you. For David and you."

"I know. And David knows. Thank you."

She tightened her grip around his fingers, closing her eyes, trying desperately to keep the memories of this day away but failed. A tear slipped down her cheek and she felt August's arm coming around her shoulder and pulling her into his embrace and she snuggled closer, burying her face against his chest, biting her tongue to not start sobbing.

It hadn't been fair. It just hadn't been fair that she had gotten ripped out of their lives so abruptly and even four years later it still hurt like hell.

~K&E~

His steps faltered as he came closer to the gravestone, his heart weighing heavy in his chest, his fingers clutching the flowers in his hand. It had been seven years. But it still felt as if it had happened yesterday.

Sitting down on the bench in front of the gravestone, he let his eyes roam over the names and his lips trembled, his hands started to shake uncontrollably and he gulped in air, trying to not lose it in the middle of the graveyard.

Someone would think time would have healed the wound but the guilt was still eating at him. Even seven years later and it would probably never stop.

Pushing himself from the bench, he stepped in front of the grave, crouching down and putting the flowers on the grave, his fingers trailing over the inscription, his throat closing up.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Tears pricked the back of his eyes and he screwed his eyes shut, gulping hard to keep the tears down but one escaped and trailed down his cheek.

"I knew I would find you here."

He jerked around, blinking until he could see the figure standing in front of him.

"What are you doing here, Ryan?" He growled, wiping the back of his hand over his cheek before he stood up to face his friend.

"It wasn't your fault, Killian."

"We've been over this, Ryan. No matter how often you tell me that, the guilt won't go away." Killian said softly, his eyes flickering back to the inscription. "You and I both know that it was my fault and if I could go back in time I would change it. I would get as far away from her as I could. If I had just left town back then, they would both be still alive.

"Don't do this to yourself."

"You've pulled me from the ledge all those years ago, Ryan. But sometimes I think it would have been better I had just jumped."

He had spiraled out of control after Liam and Milah had died. The sounds of Liam's shout over the phone, the screeching tires and the sickening sound of metal hitting metal had haunted him day and night.

Drugs, alcohol, women. Everything he could get his hands on that had made him forget who he was, where he was. When Ryan had found him he had been about to sell his body to a man, wanted to punish himself for what he had done, wanted to feel used, wanted to feel the pain, realizing that pain was the only thing he could still feel through the numbness that had clouded his brain. But Ryan hadn't let him fall. He had pulled him back, not letting him slip into complete darkness.

"Killian, do I need to beat the crap out of you again?"

He chuckled as he remembered the day Ryan had actually punched him, his fists hitting his body and face over and over again, yelling at him if he wanted to feel pain he could make him feel pain and he would gladly punch him every day until he got it into his head that there were still people who cared about him, who needed him in their lives. He wouldn't be here if Ryan would have given up on him and no matter how miserable he felt he would never forget what his friend had done for him and were still doing.

Stepping forward, Killian pulled him into his arms, whispering hoarsely. "I love you too, man."

~K&E~

She was drunk. But not completely wasted what made this a little problematic. Because she couldn't tell herself afterwards she didn't know what she was doing. She damn well knew what she was doing.

She slipped through the door and went to the back of the room, cowering in a dark corner, her heart skipping a beat as he hopped onto the stage, big grin on his face and her stomach clenched with anticipation.

She wanted him. She couldn't deny it any longer.

But they would play that by her rules, not his.

This time he was joined by another stripper she didn't recognize from the last time and she watched them move in sync, almost like they have done this for years and she gulped hard as she watched the muscles play over their bodies as they stripped to 'Tainted Love', the beat of the music making her body hum and she bit her tongue as her eyes dropped to his midsection, wondering what exactly he was hiding underneath.

She slipped into the bathroom before the show ended, watching her face in the mirror, trying to find a reason to walk out of here and not go find him. But the last weeks had been pure torture and as long as she was keeping it impersonal and was just using him for sex she should be fine. After all he wasn't looking for more either.

It was a perfect arrangement.

Inhaling a deep breath, she stepped out, searching the crowd for his face but only seeing the second stripper, leaning against the wall a few feet away and before she could lose her courage she walked over, remembering his name.

"Ryan, right?"

He turned around and looked her up and down, his mouth tilting up into a grin. "Yes, how can I help you?"

"I'm searching for Killian."

"Go figures." Ryan replied, rolling his eyes. He pushed himself from the wall and walked to the next door, opening it and yelled. "Killian, someone wants to see you."

She waited with pounding heart for him to appear in the doorway and a few seconds later he emerged, a bored expression on his face. But then he spotted her and froze for a second before his mouth curled up into a smug grin and he sauntered over to her.

"Hello, beautiful. To what do I owe the pleasure? Last time I saw you, you were very adamant to tell me that I can go to hell."

"Well, I've changed my mind." She retorted, trying to put a lid on the lust that sizzled through her as she heard his voice. She didn't need an accent to the whole package. The rest had already been enough. Almost too much for her to handle.

"Beg your pardon?"

She didn't let herself think, grabbing him by his hoodie and dragging him back into the room he had just come out of, slamming the door shut behind her and turning the lock.

"I'm gonna suck you off. Isn't that what you wanted?"

He couldn't even get one word out, her hands already shoving the kilt apart, her fingers gripping him hard and a moment later her mouth was wrapped around him, a hiss slipping over his lips as she reached between his legs and cupped his balls, massaging them gently while her head bobbed back and forth.

"Oh my God."

His hips started to rock into her and she let go of his balls, putting her hands flat against the wall, hollowing her cheeks and his hand shot down, his fingers tangling in her hair as he pushed into her mouth, feeling his tip hitting the back of her throat and he let out a guttural growl as she let him fuck her mouth, his hips jerking in an erratic pace, his fingers digging into her scalp.

He was so close, he could already feel his balls tightening but then she suddenly pushed herself away from the wall, his cock slipping out of her mouth with a loud pop.

"That should be enough for now." She drawled and before he could comprehend what she was saying she was out of the door, leaving him hard and pounding behind.

He stalked towards the door and yanked it open, yelling after her. "Where do you think you are going?"

She only waved her hand over her shoulder without looking back and he snapped. "Hey! I don't even know your name."

But she didn't answer and just vanished out of the door of the club. He growled, unable to follow her in his state and slamming the door shut, he turned the lock, leaning against it and flapping the kilt aside to finish what she had started and a few strokes later he spurted his release into the sink at the other side of the room. He couldn't even remember when he had jerked off in public the last time. Normally he waited until he was home.

"Bloody vixen." He hissed under his breath as he cleaned the sink and washed his hands afterwards.

Gritting his teeth he balled his hands into fists beside his body, mashing down the urge to hit the wall. She hadn't finished him off and she would bloody well pay for leaving him like this. But he had actually no idea how to find her. So he could only pray that she would come back. And the next time he would make her beg and maybe he would also leave her hanging high and dry like she had done with him.

But alone the thought of her tight, wet pussy enveloping his cock made him hard again and he groaned, hitting his head repeatedly against the wall as he reached down again, wondering how often he would jerk off with the picture of her kneeling in front of him and letting him fuck her mouth burning in his brain.

"Bloody hell."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you for the comments and kudos! :-)**

* * *

  **Chapter 5**

"Is Mommy coming back today?"

Emma pulled Ian against her chest, pressing her lips onto his forehead, tears pricking the back of her eyes as she whispered. "No, honey. We told you she won't come back."

"But everyone has a mommy. Why is my mommy not here? It's my birthday."

"She would be here if she could, Ian. She would."

Rocking back and forth with Ian on her lap, her eyes sought David's and her heart ached as she saw him break, tears spilling out of his eyes as he turned around and hurried to the bathroom.

"Hey, Ian." Graham stepped into the room, crouching down in front of Emma. "How about we are checking out that new playground just around the corner?"

"Yeah." Ian cried, throwing himself into Graham's arms and he straightened, placing him on his hip.

"Then let's find Uncle August."

"Thank you, Graham." Emma said quietly.

"Like I said." Graham told her as quietly. "We are here for you two."

Emma waited until they had left the apartment, Ian already chatting excitedly again before she walked towards the bathroom.

"David?" She knocked at the door, hoping for an answer but none came. "Can I come in?"

A few seconds later she heard the click of the lock and she opened the door carefully to slip into the room, going straight to her brother and pulling him into her arms. He hugged her tightly against his chest, his fingers digging into her skin as he buried his face against her neck and she could feel his tears soaking through her shirt, making her heart break for him.

She held him in her arms, never letting go of him until he drew in a deep breath and pushed away, wiping the tears away from his cheeks.

"Will it ever get easier, Ems?" He asked, his voice hoarse from crying.

"I don't know, David." Emma replied softly, gripping his hand and squeezing it gently. "I hope so."

"I miss her so much."

"I know."

-/-

The week had just been too much. She needed to forget. She just needed to forget reality for a few minutes. Leaning her head against the wall, she tried to tell herself that this was a bad idea, that she should turn around and leave.

But God, she was dreaming about him. Dreaming about him pushing into her, dreaming about him fucking her until she screamed for mercy, dreaming about sucking his cock but this time not stopping before he came, gulping his cum down greedily.

She just wanted to forget.

The door opened beside her and he stepped out, throwing some goodbyes over his shoulder before he turned around and spotted her, his mouth dropping open in surprise but a moment later a grin split up his face and he sauntered towards her.

"Look at that. What do we have here?"

She just grabbed the lapels of his jacket and yanked him forward, crushing her lips on his. She didn't want to talk. She didn't have time for throwing innuendos back and forth and flirting. She needed him in her. Now.

"Fuck me!"

He stiffened, leaning back to look down at her and she groaned as his already hard arousal pressed against her stomach.

"My apartment is right around the corner. My roommates aren't home."

She huffed out a breath, staring into his blue eyes, trying to decide if he was serious. She hadn't imagined it to be that easy.

"Come on."

-/-

They didn't speak a word as they walked to his apartment and a few minutes later the door closed behind them but before Emma could look around she was slammed against the door, her arms were being lifted up and his fingers tightened around her wrists as he leaned forward, his lips almost touching her.

"You are not getting me that easy." She shivered, pushing her hips forward to press at least her lower body against him but he just tsked and stepped back. "No, love. You are gonna beg for it."

She gritted her teeth, balling her hands into fists against the door. Of course he would make her pay. She should have expected that. After all, she had left him hanging the last time.

"Hmm, let's see." He wrapped one hand about both her wrists, holding her in place, letting the fingers of his other hand trail over the leather of her jacket, lower and lower, his fingers slipping under the hem and she trembled, her nipples hardening in an instant as his hand came closer and closer, a soft brush and then he was gone.

"You want me to touch you?" He leaned forward again, keeping his mouth inches away from her skin and then his tongue darted out and flicked over her skin before he stepped back again. "Tell me love ... do you want me to touch you?"

"Yes."

"Where?"

"Everywhere. I don't care. Just touch me."

He let go of her wrists suddenly and pointed towards a door at the other side of the room. "Get in there."

She almost ran into the room, her whole body burning with anticipation and lust. But when they were finally inside he didn't come to her, just leaned back against the door and grinned, one of those cocky smirks that she should probably smack off his face.

"Take your clothes off and climb onto the bed, love. On your knees, preferably."

Her heart slammed into her throat, her stomach clenched and it shouldn't be that arousing. She should probably laugh at him and leave the room and the apartment but she wanted him, needed him and his commanding voice just turned her on even more.

A few minutes later she was kneeling on the bed, completely naked, waiting for him to join her and he strolled towards the bed, shedding his clothes excruciatingly slowly and she licked over her bottom lip, drawing it between her teeth as he pulled his boxer briefs down, her core throbbing as she stared at his prominent erection.

He climbed up behind her and she tilted her head, watching him, her arms started to tremble as she saw his heated gaze trailing over her body, his hands reaching out, his fingers skimming down her back and ass, up and down, and she shivered, biting her tongue to keep herself from moaning as one hand slipped between her legs.

"God, so wet for me."

He rubbed over her clit with barely any pressure and she jerked her hips down, needed him to move his fingers faster but he didn't budge, only playing with her and then his thumb slipped into her, while his other fingers still drew lazy circles over the bundle of nerves and she gasped, her arms almost giving out under her because his thumb wasn't enough. She needed more.

"God dammit, Killian. Just get in me already."

"Are you begging?"

He shifted behind her and she could feel him hot and hard against her thigh and she let out a frustrated groan, looking back over her shoulder, not even caring anymore how pathetic she might sound. "Yes, I'm begging. I need you, Jones. Just fuck me."

His eyes turned even darker and he finally reached for the condom on the night stand, ripping it open and slipping it slowly over his length. Her whole body trembled as she waited for him to position himself and finally push into her but she could only feel his fingers, skimming over her ass, kneading it softly.

"Tell me your name." His fingers slipped lower, the tips sliding into her and she bit her tongue, wanted to scream as he pulled his fingers back again because if he wouldn't get her off in the next minute she would die of sexual frustration. "Tell me your name."

"Emma." She shouted into the room, scrambling backwards so that his cock slipped between her legs. "My name is Emma."

"Good girl." He drawled, his hand reaching between their bodies and a second later he slipped into her, his thick head stretching her, his fingers tightening around her waist and then he slammed into her, burying himself until the hilt in her.

It was the most amazing and exhausting sex she'd ever had and two hours later she was only an inch away from calling defeat because she couldn't take it any longer. Everything was sore, her muscles aching and she had lost count of how often he had made her come about an hour ago. The moment he had stopped teasing her he had gone all in. Fucking her relentlessly. With his cock, his tongue, his fingers.

His mouth and hands were all over her body, pushing her into an almost delirious state and she needed it to stop but at the same time she never wanted it to end and his hands tightened around her upper arms, pulling her against his chest, his hips rocking against her and she arched her back, her hands sliding around his waist as she searched for something to hold on to and then he slipped out of her and swirled her around, pushing her down on the mattress, pulling her legs over his thighs as he kneeled in front of her and with a swift move he was back inside of her, his thumb finding her clit.

"Come on, Emma. One more time." His movements became erratic, sweat was running down his face and body, their slick flesh clashed together over and over again and his thumb rubbed even harder over her clit, her whole body throbbing with need as he pushed her closer and closer. "One more time."

And she came. Again. Grabbing his cock in a tight grip as the orgasm hit her, her walls fluttering around him and he fell forward, jerking his hips one more time into her before he stiffened above her, finally finding release himself with a low growl.

Her heart was hammering against her ribcage, her legs slipping down his thighs, her lungs heaving in air as she tried to come down from her high. His sweat soaked body was pressing her into the mattress, his wet hair was tickling her chin, his scruff burning her skin and the air around them smelled like sweat and sex and she should feel disgusted about this situation, should feel disgusted by herself that she had just let a complete stranger fuck her brains out but as her fingers tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck, her fingers trailing over the taut muscles in his ass she could only wonder how in hell she should ever find another man who could satisfy her like that.


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and alerts! :-)**

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**Chapter 6**

She stretched lazily, groaning softly as the movement made her aware that her whole body was aching and a smile tilted up the corner of her mouth as she remembered what had caused the soreness of her body.

Slipping out of the bed, she reached for one of his shirts and pulled it over her head, pushing her legs into her pants. She had heard him leaving the room a few minutes earlier and she was hoping he was busy making coffee, a grin spreading out over her face as the smell of coffee wafted over to her the moment she opened the door.

"Good morning." He greeted her cheerily as she entered the kitchen, her mouth almost dropping open as she saw him standing against the counter, only dressed in low-hanging sweat pants.

"Morning." She replied, taking the cup of coffee out of his hand.

"You want an Irish Coffee?" He asked, raising the bottle of whiskey.

"No way." Emma scrunched her nose and pulled the mug towards her. "I'm not having alcohol in my coffee. At least not that early in the morning."

"Oh, great. Coffee."

Emma swirled around, groaning inwardly as another male, only clad in shorts, entered the kitchen. She remembered him though. He had stripped with Killian the first time she had been in the club. He was the one Regina had shown interest in.

"Did I hear coffee?" A female voice sounded form the corridor, a voice she recognized immediately.

"Regina?" She hissed as her friend stepped into the room. "What are you doing here?"

"I guess the same you are doing here." Regina replied nonchalantly, taking the cup of coffee out of Robin's hand and letting her nails rake over his naked chest before she turned around to Emma again. "Well, you were doing another guy of course but ..."

"I think I take an Irish Coffee after all." Emma huffed, stretching her mug towards Killian and he chuckled, opening the bottle and pouring some of it into her mug.

Emma had just took a huge gulp of her coffee as another voice joined their conversation and she almost sputtered the coffee all over the counter.

"Hello, you two. How are you doing this fine morning?"

"Oh my God!" Emma's mouth fell open and she stared at Ruby, leaning against the doorframe. "Tell me this is a joke. Tell me this is a dream."

"No dream, honey. It's me. In the flesh." Ruby answered, strolling into the room and pouring herself a cup of coffee. "Looks like we hooked up with our guys simultaneously."

"I feel as if I'm living a bad movie." Emma grumbled into her mug, jumping off her chair.

"Come on, Ems. Let's do the walk of shame together."

"I'm not going with you. I'm off work today. Remember?" Both women groaned, Ruby even flipping her off and Emma's grin broadened as she swaggered out of the door, throwing over her shoulder. "And by the way, I have nothing to be ashamed of."

-/-

She heard the door open behind her, clicking shut a moment later and she didn't look back, waiting for him to approach her. He didn't say anything, just stepping behind her and pulling her flush against his body, his mouth only inches away from her ear as he breathed.

"Nothing to be ashamed of?"

She turned around in his arms, leaning back to look up into his face. "I'm not ashamed that I gave in to the passion and fucked with you the whole night."

"And you shouldn't." He replied, his mouth catching hers to give her a lazy kiss and she felt her knees going weak as his fingers threaded through her hair, tilting her head so that he could deepen the kiss.

"So ..." He rasped, his lips brushing over her cheek. "Since you are off work today … how about another round?"

"I'm not sure my body can take another round." Emma whispered, letting out a soft moan as he pressed his thumb against her jaw, pushing her head to the side to have better access to her neck, licking and sucking his way down her throat.

"You sure?" He mumbled, his other hand slipping under his shirt and pushing it up, his fingers skimming the underside of her breast and she groaned, letting her hands fall to his ass and gripping it tightly as she hauled him into her body.

"No." She replied, grinding her hips forward, feeling him hardening against her. "There is only one thing I know."

"And that would be?" He inquired, leaning back, his blue eyes burning with hardly restrained lust, making her stomach flip.

"I don't care if my body can take it. I need you."

-/-

It had hurt. A little. But only at first as he had stretched her and her body had refused to give way, too exhausted and sore from the nightly activities but he had taken his time, drawing lazy circles over her sensitive nub, suckling and licking her nipple, his fingers playing over her whole body until her walls had relaxed, his shallow thrusts making her quiver around him, her arousal starting to coat him and making it easier for him to move in and out of her.

He had brought her to orgasm again and when she left him an hour later her body was still humming, a stupid grin splitting up her face. She would definitely come back for more. He was too good to only be a one-night stand and she would enjoy it as long as it lasted.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you so much for the comments and kudos. :-)**

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**Chapter 7  
**

When Emma stepped out of the shower the next morning she heard chatter from the kitchen and groaned loudly as she distinguished Regina and Ruby's voices, accompanied by Graham's deep voice. Slipping into her business suit, she pulled her hair up into a straight hairdo and applied make-up before straightening her shoulders and walking into the kitchen.

"Good morning, everyone."

She didn't even look at them, just reached for a cup and put it on the coffee machine, pressing the button for a latte, praising whoever made her meet Graham and let her live with two men who loved their coffee and decided to buy a full automatic machine that applied the milk foam automatically.

Pulling the cup away and lifting it to her mouth, she took a gulp before she turned around and was welcomed by three pair of eyes glued to her face, all three of her friends wearing expectant expressions on their faces.

"Spill." Graham exclaimed, leaning forward, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "I mean, you banged your guys all on the same night. That's the most awesome story I've heard in a long time."

"There is nothing to spill."

"Come on, Ems." Ruby whined. "How was it? I definitely couldn't complain."

"I don't kiss and tell. You know my rules." Emma replied, sitting down on a stool and wrapping her hands around the hot mug.

"When he is as good as Robin you definitely had an amazing night."

"Ems, they already gave me details and if I wouldn't be in a committed relationship I would definitely try to convince them to come to our side." Graham told her, shooting her a wink that made her laugh.

"Graham, I won't budge. You know that. It's only sex. And I never talk about my sex partners."

"Good morning, lovelies." August said as he stepped into the kitchen.

"God, Graham." Emma groaned, lifting an eyebrow as she watched August walk to the coffee machine, clearly suppressing a wince. "Please tell me the neighbors didn't hear you this time."

August actually blushed, pressing his tongue against the corner of his mouth as Graham said. "Don't worry. They didn't hear a thing."

Her eyes flickered to Graham, registering the glow that still lingered in his eyes as he looked at August and she narrowed her eyes, studying August more thoroughly, suddenly seeing thechafed skin at his wrists and at the corners of his mouth and she rolled her eyes, huffing out. "I don't wanna hear any details. Keep your kinky stuff to yourself."

"As if you aren't into that stuff, too." Graham shot back. "Don't forget I know you, Emma."

"Unfortunately you do." Emma muttered under her breath and put the empty mug on the counter. "Come on, ladies. Let's get to work before Gold gets a heart attack because we wasn't sitting at our desks at nine sharp."

She loved her job at Vogue, wouldn't trade it for anything else. But it did get exhausting from time to time, especially the week before the deadline for the next magazine and already two weeks before that Mr. Gold were barking through the corridors and snapping at everyone if they didn't move fast enough out of his way.

She reached for her coat and slipped into it, her purse suddenly appearing in front of her eyes as Graham stepped beside her and hold it in her direction.

"Just be careful, honey. Okay?"

"I will." Emma replied, raising up on her tiptoes and pressing a kiss against his cheek. "It's only sex. No feelings. No heartbreak. Just fun."

But as she closed the door behind her a voice in her head whispered that she might have to tread carefully with this one because he was definitely a rocket in bed and something about him was already tugging at something deep inside of her but she wouldn't give up on some more weeks of amazing sex only because of a weird feeling in the pit of her stomach.

-/-

"So ..." Robin leaned against the counter and shot him a grin. "Is she a spitfire in bed or not?"

"Didn't your woman satisfy you that you have to ask how my sex was?"

"Oh, I couldn't complain." Robin replied smugly. "Sex with Regina was amazing. I will definitely see her again."

"Told her about our real job?" Killian asked, slumping down on the couch and taking a huge sip of his coffee, definitely needing the caffeine.

"Of course not." Robin huffed. "It's not as if we are true love or anything. She wants to fuck a stripper. So she gets to fuck a stripper."

"You sound as if she is paying for it." Killian told him, leaning his head back and closing his eyes, trying to enjoy the last minutes of peace before he had to get up for work.

"Did you tell your woman what we are really doing for a living?" Robin questioned. "By the way, what's her name?"

"Her name is Emma." Killian said quietly, opening his eyes and throwing an exasperated look at his roommate. "And no, I didn't tell her about my real job. You know they are all freaking out the moment you tell them."

"So why are you giving me shit about not telling Regina?"

"I don't know." Killian sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "Sorry, buddie. Lack of sleep, I guess."

"You won't get much in the next forty-eight hours either." Robin replied dryly, throwing the hoodie into his lap. "Get up. We have to hurry. Our shift starts in an hour."

Killian groaned and pushed himself off the couch, slipping into the hoddie and closing the zipper before following his friend into the hallway. It would be a long shift and thinking about a certain blond and the way she felt wrapped around him would definitely not help but he had a feeling that he would have a hard time not to think about her whenever he had a moment to take a break.

-/-

It had been one week since she had seen him and the desire was driving her insane. She needed him and from the gaze he was throwing her way he needed her as desperately.

She had booked a hotel room, didn't want to worry about roommates overhearing them. Not this time.

They hardly made it inside, his hands already under her shirt and shoving it up and over her head, his mouth around her nipple a second later and she groaned, knowing they wouldn't even make it to the couch as his fingers opened her pants, slipping in her panties and parting her folds, his low growl vibrating against her erect nub as he pushed one finger into her.

"God, so wet for me."

She pushed her shoes off her feet, wriggling out of her pants and panties, almost ripping his shirt apart as she pulled it over his head, her fingers fumbling with the buttons of his pants a moment later and then he was in her hand, hard and hot, and a moan slipped over her lips as she started to pump him.

Hot lust was sizzling through her, her voice stumbling over the words as she croaked. "Get in me, Jones."

"As you wish."

She heard the telltale sound of the wrapper being ripped open, felt his fingers against her core as he pulled the condom over his length before he gripped her thighs and hauled her up, settling her legs around his waist, his fingers smoothing over her ass as he positioned himself, his eyes burning into hers as he tilted his hips and slipped into her.

She forgot everything around her as he fucked her against the wall with hard and deep thrusts, both of them too desperate for any finesse, nails digging into flesh, their kisses hungry and passionate as he slammed into her. She didn't even need his fingers on her clit, the orgasm hitting her hard as he plunged deep into her, his own release coming only seconds later, their bodies slick with sweat as his head dropped against her shoulder, both panting for breath.

-/-

They had made it to the bed somehow, collapsing onto the mattress. But it had only taken a few minutes for them to recover before they were going at it again. A lot slower and tentative this time, her second climax a lot less violent but as satisfying at the first.

Rolling her head around, she was watching him, knowing it was time for _the_ talk, the talk she had with all of her sex partners, and pushing herself up, she leaned back against the headrest.

"Okay, let's talk about the rules."

"There are rules?" Killian asked, raising an eyebrow, his mouth tilting up into a cocky smirk. "I didn't know you are into this kind of stuff."

"I am." Emma replied firmly, a grin pulling up the corners of her mouth as his eyes lit up with new hunger. "But not until I can trust you and that might take a while."

"Okay." Killian said softly, pushing himself up to be face to face with her, tugging the sheet around his waist. "So, shoot."

"No strings. No dates. Just sex." Emma started to explain. "No stories. No questions about our real lives."

"I can live with that."

"And I'll tell you when I'm ready to try something else." Emma elaborated. "We can bring toys and see if the other is willing to use it."

"Works for me."

"Good." Emma concluded, lifting her hand and trailing her fingers down his chest and stomach, stopping at the sheet that covered his already hard length. "So, how about a third round?"

"I thought you'd never ask."


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much for the comments and kudos!**

**A lot of kinky stuff will be happening in this chapter, so if this is not your cup of tea you might wanna skip this chapter. Though let's be honest here. Everyone who knows my stories, expects me to go kinky at some point. Ha, ha.**

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**Chapter 8**

Sometimes she wondered when it would all come crashing down on her because this, the thing she had with Killian, was too good to be true.

The sex was amazing, actually off the charts flipping awesome, like rocking the world awesome and he never asked her for more. No dates, no meaningful conversations. Just plain good old fucking until the walls were shaking.

And they had already stepped over the line. She just couldn't wait any longer and one day she had showed up with handcuffs and a whip, his eyes gleaming with delight and he had only given her a huge smile, a silent answer to her question if he was okay with it.

God, it had been amazing to cuff him to the bed and have her wicked ways with him. Taunting him with the whip, letting it trail over his whole body, slapping it carefully against his arousal, watching him moan with pleasure as she pushed him to that small line between pleasure and pain before taking him into her mouth and getting him off, her name tumbling out of his mouth on a gasp as he spilled his release down her throat.

She had also rode his face that night. Groaning and moaning as he had licked her into oblivion, fucked her with his tongue until she screamed for mercy, her hips rocking in a frantic pace against his mouth, almost suffocating him as he had been eating her out, the orgasm ripping through her with such force that she had forgotten how to breath for a second.

And now he was standing in front of her, stark naked, his hard length in one hand, a vibrator in the other and he told her to turn around and get up on her knees so that he could pleasure her with it. She was dripping wet already and scrambled up on her knees, looking over her shoulder and watching him kneel behind her.

"You are so bloody gorgeous, Swan." He rasped, slipping the vibrator between her legs and rubbing it over her clit, back and forth, in a steady rhythm. "So bloody gorgeous and such a wanton woman."

She moaned as he pushed the vibrator into her, the plastic massaging her walls as he slid it in and out of her.

"It's not enough, is it?" He questioned, stopping with the vibrator half inside of her. "You want the real thing, don't you? You want me to bury my cock deep in your hot, wet, greedy pussy."

Her walls clenched around the vibrator, a hot ball of lust slamming into her stomach. She loved when he talked dirty to her like that while preparing her for his cock.

"Say it, Emma." He pulled the vibrator out of her, her core throbbing with need and she knew he wouldn't give her anything if she didn't answer him.

Letting herself fall down on her elbows, she tilted her ass upwards, throwing over her shoulder. "Get your cock into my cunt, Jones, and fuck me until I can't take it anymore."

Needless to say, she could hardly move the next day.

-/-

What was she doing? This was not happening. She was not about to let him do it.

But she would let him do it. Something she had never done before. But when he had asked her if she would like to try it she had only hesitated a second before telling him yes and now his fingers were brushing through her wet folds and trailing upwards, coating her puckered hole with her own juices.

"I'll be very gentle with you, Emma." He whispered, one finger massaging her entrance softly. "Since you are a virgin when it comes to getting your ass fucked."

She jolted forward, still couldn't believe that she really wanted to try it.

"Shh, love. I won't hurt you. Just relax."

And she actually relaxed, wondering how the hell it was possibly that she trusted him completely with her body after only knowing him for two months and only sexually so far.

He slipped one finger in, very slowly, but she still cramped around it, biting her tongue. He stilled, leaned forward and let his hand trail up her side and around, taking one of her breasts into his hand and kneading it, his fingers closing around one nipple and twirling it as he started to move his finger.

"See." He rasped, his fingers playing with her nipple while one finger fucked her ass. "Not that bad, is it?"

It still felt weird but she grew even wetter, something she wouldn't have thought possible and her hips started to rock into his finger on their own volition, a moan slipping over her lips as he slid out of her and she heard him reach for the bottle of lubricant, a squeezing sound reached her ears and then he was back between her cheeks, two fingers pressing against her and a moment later he had both fingers inside her and she shivered, shifting around as she tried to adjust to being stretched wider.

He massaged her ass for quite some time, making sure she was always lubricated, the fingers of his other hand teasing her nipples, his voice drifting towards her as he spoke the whole time, praising the tightness of her ass, the hard nub between his fingers when he tugged at her nipple and she became more and more aroused, his fingers in her ass making her feel extremely dirty.

"This will feel uncomfortable now, Emma. I will slip three fingers into you to prepare you, okay?" She nodded vigorously, clenching the sheets between her fingers, readying herself for the pain but it didn't come and she looked over her shoulder, her heart skipping a beat as he grinned softly at her.

"You are too tense, love." He answered her silent question. "Touch yourself for me."

She gulped hard but reached between her legs, her fingers finding the bundle of nerves there and she started to rub over it.

"Aye, Swan. Just like that. Rub your clit until your arousal is dripping down your thighs." He rasped behind her and she looked back at him again, a rush of wetness shooting between her legs as she saw him pumping his hand up and down his cock. "Are you wet, Emma? Are you wet for me?"

"Yes." She breathed, turning around again and she moaned as she felt his tongue against her entrance, felt it slipping in as he lapped up her arousal and then he backed away, two fingers pushing into her tight opening again. "Keep pleasuring yourself, Emma."

She did. Her fingers moving over her clit as he slipped his fingers in and out of her. Very gentle, very careful. But her movement still faltered when he added a third, stretching her uncomfortable and she stiffened but he just kept pushing.

"Keep going, Emma."

She felt too full, too stretched and she wanted to tell him that she couldn't do it but then he started to move his fingers, massaging her and the cramp suddenly ceased.

"God, Emma. I need to fuck your ass so bad."

His fingers were gone a moment later and she heard him pulling out a condom and kept rubbing her clit, trying to mash down the strange feelings, knowing he would push his cock into her ass very soon and then he slipped inside her wet entrance, slamming into her a few times, pushing her to the brink of an orgasm before he slid out of her and positioned himself at her puckered opening, his tip brushing against her.

"I'll push in now, love."

God, it hurt. He was too big. She couldn't take it. But he kept murmuring dirty, filthy things. Telling her how hot the sight in front of him was, how fucking arousing it was to see her hole stretch around his cock and she felt him squeezing lubricant down her ass as he slid slowly deeper, making her tight hole as wet as possible but it still felt strange.

"Wait!" She cried out and he stopped instantly, being half buried inside of her, his hands trembling against her waist.

"Bloody hell, Emma! You are so fucking tight. It's killing me." He hissed, his whole body starting to shake as he tried to control himself and suddenly her muscles relaxed because she knew if she told him he would pull out of her, even if he was already so far gone and the lust was rushing through his veins.

"Okay." She breathed. "You can move again."

He slipped out of her a few inches, another drop of lubricant hitting her ass and then he pushed back in, gliding into her until the hilt, a guttural growl rumbling out of his chest as he pulled back again, only his tip remaining in her as he rasped. "You okay?"

"Yes." She mumbled, tears gathering in her eyes as she realized he was still looking out for her comfort and a sob almost escaped her as the emotions crashed down on her, her hand falling from her clit and clenching around the sheet as he started to fuck her ass, taking his time, slipping completely into her with each thrust, his voice getting hoarse as he kept talking dirty while pumping in and out of her and a lonely tear slipped down her cheek and hit the pillow as his fingers found her clit, flicking over it, shooting her over the edge the moment he came buried deep in her ass and her knees gave out under her, both crashing down on the bed, his body pressing her into the mattress, his cock still stretching her as she bit her tongue until she tasted blood, suppressing the urge to utter the words that wanted to spill out of her. These three words that would ruin everything and closing her eyes, she pressed her face into the pillow, a silent scream lodged in her throat.

_No one did allow you to fall in love with him, Swan._


	9. Chapter 9

**It's time for some angst, right?**

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**Chapter 9**

She laid her head back on the edge of the tub and closed her eyes, letting out a soft sigh, thinking back to the last night she had seen him. Two weeks earlier she had let him take her like no man ever had and she had liked it. More than she probably should. But she hadn't gone back to him since. Not since she realized that she had fallen in love with him.

"God!"

She slipped into the tub, letting the water close over her face, wishing she could stay under water forever.

She was a damn fool.

It had all started the one night about a month ago when she had gotten a text from him, asking her if they could meet. It had been different this time. Something had been bothering him. He had dark shadows under his eyes, pain radiating off him in waves.

He had taken her rough at first, hammering into her as if he wanted to chase away all thoughts about anything else than plunging into her over and over again. Her muscles had already been protesting as he had swirled her around and pushed her against the wall, thrusting back into her a moment later, his teeth scraping over her neck, his mouth closing over her skin as his hands had slipped between her body and the wall, one grabbing her breast and twirling her nipple, the other finding her clit, his thrusts coming harder and faster until they had completely spiraled out of control.

She should have stopped him the moment he had slowed down. She should have just left. The air had been filled with unspoken words, weighing down on them. He had been hurting. She had felt it with every fiber of her being and she should have listened to strange feeling settling deep in her stomach as he pulled her around again and let his lips ghost over her skin.

But she hadn't. She had let him push her back towards the bed, let him take her away as he had explored her body, every inch of it, until she screamed for mercy, writhing under him, wanting more and more and more. Wanted it hard and rough but he had thrusted into her in an excruciatingly slow pace, his eyes never leaving hers.

He had made love to her that night and she had been so foolish to ignore the feelings he had elicited in her. She had been so foolish and went and fell in love with him.

-/-

An hour later she stepped out of the bathroom, her whole skin wrinkled from being to long in the tub, her head hammering since she had been thinking about her dilemma nonstop.

Suddenly she caught movement out of the corner of her eyes, a wine glass appearing over the edge of the couch and she had to smile despite the situation she was in, walking over to join Graham on the couch.

Graham held the glass towards her and she grabbed it, taking a huge gulp before she collapsed on the couch beside him. She didn't say anything. Didn't know what to tell her best friend but he understood nonetheless. He wouldn't have waited with a glass of wine for her if he didn't suspect something.

She met his gaze for a moment, wondering if she might be able to not talk about it but knew from the expression on his face that she wouldn't get around it.

"Spit it out, Emma."

She was tired, angry with herself, her heart was hurting and she slipped down, laying down beside him, pressing her face against his chest, mumbling into his shirt.

"I am an idiot."

"Do tell." Graham snorted, letting out a shriek as she smacked her hand on his shoulder.

"Hey!" Emma huffed, sudden tears pricking the back of her eyes as Graham's fingers ghosted over her cheek, his gaze full of concern as he watched her, waiting for her to speak.

"I wasn't careful." She whispered, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth.

"What happened?" Graham asked, his brows suddenly furrowing, his hand tightening around her upper arm. "Did he hurt you? I'm gonna beat him to a pulp if he hurt you."

"No." Emma said quickly, pressing a hand against his chest. Graham looked as if he wanted to jump up and rush to find Killian to give him a taste of his fists. She couldn't deny that she wanted to smack him too. But it wasn't Killian's fault that she had fallen in love with him. "He didn't hurt me."

Graham pulled her chin up so that she had to meet his gaze, a soft smile tilting up his mouth as he said. "It's not only sex anymore, I guess."

"No, it isn't." Her throat closed up, one tear slipping down her cheek and she bit her tongue until she tasted blood. She was so angry with herself.

"Then tell him you want more." Graham said softly. "Not every man is like Neal, you know?"

"I know." Emma whispered. "But I'm not gonna fall in that rabbit hole again. I swore myself that I would not make the same mistake again."

"Killian isn't Neal." Graham insisted. "Maybe you should give him a chance."

"He is a stripper, Graham." Emma almost yelled, balling her hand into a fist. She knew she wasn't fair. His job shouldn't be a reason why she didn't want to have a relationship with him but it was. The demons of her past were still haunting her. Even after all those years.

"And?" Graham questioned, raising one eyebrow. "That doesn't mean he is gonna leave you with a ton of unpaid bills and a broken heart."

"God, Graham." She sighed, the anger about her own foolishness bubbling up in her again. "This is insane. I almost told him right after sex. His cock was still shoved up my ass."

"Up your ass?" She cursed inwardly as she heard the surprise in Graham's voice. She shouldn't have let that detail slip out. "If I remember correctly you've never indulged in that kind of kink before, even though I told you you should try it."

"Not the point here."

"Oh, it's so the point." Graham pushed her back, sitting up and pulling her into his arms, his hand running soothingly over her back. "It was bound to happen at one point, Emma. You can't close your heart off forever. Maybe we should finally meet him to see if he is worthy."

"Not gonna happen." Emma mumbled into his shirt, snuggling deeper into his embrace. "I will end it."

-/-

"So, ..." Ryan slumped onto the couch beside him, handing him the beer. "Tell me all the news."

Ryan had been on the road with his band for a few weeks and had showed up at his doorstep tonight to catch up with him.

"Nothing important."

"Come on." Ryan scoffed. "I know that look. How is sex with Emma?"

"None of your business."

"Ah, that good?" Ryan chuckled as Killian threw a pillow at him, his expression suddenly turning serious again as he took a huge sip and leaned back. "How are you doing?"

"I'm just fine." Killian narrowed his eyes as he looked at his best friend. "Why do you ask?"

"Robin called me last Thursday."

"He can't keep his mouth shut, can he?" Killian rolled his eyes, lifting the bottle to his mouth.

"You okay?" Ryan asked quietly and Killian sighed, rubbing one hand over his face.

"Yes, I am. It's never easy to lose a child but Emma ..." He trailed off, the pale face of the five year old boy appearing before his closed eyelids. Death was part of his job but it was especially hard when death took the young ones who still had their whole lives in front of them.

"You went to Emma that night?" Ryan's surprised voice brought him back out of his reverie and he shrugged his shoulders.

"Aye. It helped."

"When are you gonna tell her?"

Killian tilted his head, throwing him a cocky smirk. "Like Robin always says 'They want a stripper they'll get a stripper.'"

"I actually didn't mean you should tell her about your real job. Though I have no idea why you don't let her know that you are on your way to become probably one of the best neurosurgeons this country has ever seen."

"Because I want to know if she would choose me despite my job as a stripper."

"Ah, so you are already in love with her?"

"I'm not ..." Killian paused, his heart suddenly leaping into his throat as he remembered the night the kid had died under his hands, his injuries too severe to keep him alive and all he could think about was getting lost in Emma to numb the pain. He remembered how he had fucked her against the wall. Hard and rough. But then he had needed her in another way, his hands and mouth roaming over her body, making her beg for more as he had lapped at her, fucking her with his tongue and fingers until she had exploded again before he had pushed inside of her, taking her with slow thrusts, making love to her. "Shit."

"You should tell her."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

-/-

He didn't know what had gotten into her. First he hadn't heard from her in two weeks and now she was riding him as if her life depended on it. He was groaning through the scarf in his mouth, his wrists cuffed to the bedposts, his hips bucking into her.

She was driving him insane and he couldn't even tell her to take that bloody cock ring off before he would explode. She was enveloping him tightly, her heat almost scorching and dark spots appeared in front of his eyes as she increased the pace even more, her ass slapping against his stomach.

God, she would break his cock if she wouldn't stop this.

He let out a grunt as she slipped off him, but she didn't leave him hanging for long as she pulled the condom off him, her fingers closing around the cock ring and finally taking it off, his balls clenching as she leaned forward and sucked him into her mouth.

He was so close but then she stopped, reaching for another condom and rolling it down on his throbbing cock, throwing him a wicked grin as she leaned forward and freed his hands, pulling him up and slipping under him.

Her voice was thick with passion as she commanded that he should put his hands back against the headrest and he did, the cuffs binding him to the bed once again, the scarf still biting into the corners of his mouth as she pulled him between her legs.

"Now fuck me, Jones."

His fingers curled around the headrest for support as he slammed into her, her mouth falling open on a silent scream as he fucked her as hard as he could, trying desperately not to lose his control completely as she writhed under him, her hand moving downwards to stimulate her clit while he was taking her with deep thrusts.

"God, Killian." Her body arched from the bed, her nails digging into his skin, her hand brushing over his stomach as she kept rubbing at her clit furiously. "Harder."

His back muscles were aching as he tilted his hips forward to thrust even deeper into her, the cuffs were chafing his skin and he panted around the scarf in his mouth as he plunged into her, again and again, until she screamed his name, her walls clamping around him and pulling him over the edge with her.

His heart was still hammering in his chest as she suddenly pushed him off her and he needed a moment until he realized that she wasn't only panting anymore, his eyes snapping towards her as a sob broke the silence.

She was crying?

He jerked forward, cursing that he couldn't say anything nor touch her since he was still bound to the bed and she didn't even look at him, ignoring the grunts he pressed around the scarf as she jumped from the bed and reached for her clothes. He was yanking at the cuffs but of course they didn't budge one inch and he tilted around to watch her, furiously trying to make her ungag him and free his hands so that he could pull her into his arms and soothe her, find out what she was so upset about because he knew he didn't hurt her physically.

"You are a stripper." She screamed as she swirled around to him, her whole body shaking, tears streaming down her cheeks. "I only wanted to have some good fucks with you. I didn't care what you were doing for a living because all I wanted was your cock inside my cunt. But you made me fall in love with you." His heart skipped a beat as she stared down at him. "God, I hate you because I love you."

She leaned forward, uncuffing one of his hands before throwing the key on the bed beside him and rushing towards the door. He was yanking the scarf out of his mouth, his voice hoarse as he cried. "Emma, wait!"

But she was already out of the door and when he finally got the second cuff open and could go after her she was long gone, her words ringing in his ears as he leaned against the wall, staring at the empty street.

_I hate you because I love you._


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the comments and kudos.**

* * *

**Chapter 10**

_Stupid, stupid, stupid. You are so stupid._

She sniffed and shoved another spoon of Ben and Jerry's into her mouth, blinking the tears away that formed in her eyes again.

"You know you are being ridiculous here, right?"

"I'm not being ridiculous." Emma mumbled, putting the ice cream back on the table and reaching for another Kleenex to blow her nose, shooting August an angry glare.

"You are. Kind of." Graham stepped behind August's chair, enveloping him from behind and putting his chin on his shoulder.

"Argh." Emma huffed, grabbing the bowl again. "You two are disgusting."

"Why?" August raised an eyebrow, turning his head to press a soft kiss against Graham's cheek. "Because we are happy?"

"Can't I just wallow in peace here?"

"You shouldn't wallow at all." Graham told her, his brows knitting together in worry. "You didn't even give him a chance, Emma."

"He is a stripper." Emma pushed the spoon into the ice cream. "A stripper."

"You are a hell of a snob, Ems."

"I just didn't forget the last time I did give a shit about a guy's profession and look where that got me."

"How often do I have to tell you that not every man is a jerk like Neal?" Graham said, reaching for her hand and squeezing it softly.

"I vowed to never fall in love again after everything that happened."

"And how did that work for you?" Graham asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Shut up." Emma growled, pulling her hand back.

"What did he actually say to your confession?" August chimed in. "You never told us."

"He couldn't say anything." Emma mumbled around another spoon full of ice cream.

"Come again?"

"He couldn't say anything."

"And why was that?"

"I left."

"And he didn't try to stop you? Didn't say a word?"

"He was kind of incapacitated."

"Incapacitated?" Graham asked, a grin spreading out over his face as he saw her discomfort and connected the dots. "Oh, I see. He was all tied up."

"I'm gonna move out." Emma groaned, her cheeks turning bright red as she stared into the bowl.

"So you don't even know if he feels the same way? You just left him all tied up?"

"I did leave him the keys."

"Oh, how considerate of you."

"How about a little compassion here?"

"Emma?" She looked up, the concern in Graham's eyes making her throat close up again. "Don't run away from him. You love him. You wouldn't be in tears and stuffing yourself with Ben and Jerry's if you wouldn't. So why not text him and talk to him? Maybe he will surprise you."

"No." Emma said firmly. "No. I'm not gonna make the same mistake again. I will forget him. Eventually."

She shoved the bowl away and stood up, ignoring the trembling in her legs as she walked towards the door. "I'm gonna go take a shower now."

The water was drumming on her head and closing her eyes, she let it trail down her face, her hands pressing hard against the tiles as her mind tortured her with images of him. His twinkling eyes, his lilting voice, the feel of his scruff under her hands, the feel of him moving inside of her.

She didn't even know him. Didn't know anything about him.

How the hell did she fall in love with him so quickly? How the hell had he been able to break through all her walls without her even realizing it?

Forgetting him was obviously a hell of a lot harder than she had hoped.

-/-

"What is wrong, Killian?" Ryan slumped down beside him, watching him with a scrutiny that made Killian feel slightly uncomfortable.

"Nothing."

"Yeah, right."

He fumbled with the label on his beer bottle, his gaze averted to the ground, but the silence was getting to him and he finally murmured. "She told me she loves me."

"Who? Emma?" Killian looked up at his friend, cocking one eyebrow and Ryan added. "Wow, that's ... that's awesome."

"Sure." Killian replied, his voice sounding hollow even to his ears.

"Well, that was not the reaction I was expecting. Isn't that a good thing? Since you are in love with her too?"

"She didn't even give me the chance to tell her. Besides, she doesn't want to love me."

"You've lost me."

"She doesn't want to be in love with a stripper." Killian elaborated, ripping the label from the bottle.

"Well, then tell her your real job. It's as easy as that."

"No."

"And why exactly not?"

"Because I don't want her to come back to me because I have a fancy job."

"So you are just gonna let her walk away like that?"

"Yes." Killian lifted the bottle and took a sip. "I will."

"You are an idiot."

Ryan just shook his head and left him sitting on the couch, the door clinking shut behind him and Killian leaned forward, letting the bottle dangle from his fingers as he stared at the carpet.

His heart was aching, more than it probably should. He was in love with her. She came out of nowhere and hit him right over the head, weaseled through his defenses as if they weren't even there but he had seen the desperation in her eyes, her words still cutting deep.

_You are a stripper._

She didn't want to love him and he would not force her to, nor would he tell her the truth about his real job. He didn't want to see the change in her face the moment he told her that he was indeed a doctor and only stripped to pay his debts from med school. He didn't want to see the gleam in her eyes, telling him that he was acceptable as a boyfriend now since he had a glamorous job.

She didn't want to love him as a stripper and he didn't want her to love him only because he was a doctor.

-/-

"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!"

Emma rushed into the kitchen, her eyes falling immediately on Graham standing at the kitchen counter, pressing a handkerchief against his hand, the fabric already turning red.

"What happened?"

"I was making dinner."

"Wanted to serve us your hand?"

"Very funny." Graham growled, swaying slightly on his feet and Emma stepped forward, grabbing his arm and pulling him towards the door.

"Let's get you to the ER."

Twenty minutes later Graham was sitting on a bed in the ER, letting out soft moans as they waited for the doctor to show up. He looked a lot better than when she was driving him to the ER and Emma relaxed for the first time since she had rushed into the kitchen.

"God, Graham. Stop whining. It's probably only a few stitches and then August can play nurse for you."

"Well, that's quite an image you are painting for me now." Graham opened one eye, his mouth tilting up into a shaky smirk.

"Geez, you are thinking about putting him into a slutty nurse costume, aren't you?"

"You bet I am."

"Men!" Emma growled, rolling her eyes, turning her head as the curtain was shoved aside, her mouth falling open as she saw the doctor stepping up to the bed.

"What do we have here?" Killian looked up with a grin on his face, the grin faltering the moment he saw her, his voice a hoarse whisper as he breathed her name. "Emma?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Wow, thank you so much for the comments and kudos. Thank you so much!**

**Just to clear something up since a reviewer pointed it out to me … Killian is a neurosurgery resident but that means he wouldn't do rounds in the ER anymore. That was my fault. I didn't think it through completely because I needed him in the ER. Sorry about that.  
**

**Oh, and you'll get Killian's side and a lot of explanation for their behavior in this chapter in the next update. So don't jump on me for not addressing Emma's ILY in this chapter. :-)  
**

* * *

**Chapter 11**

"What are you doing here?"

She wanted to slap herself the moment she had asked the question because clearly he was a doctor here. In blue scrubs with stethoscope around his neck and the name tag attached to his shirt.

But seeing him again, after six weeks, was throwing her completely and it took her a few moments to realize what this all meant.

He had lied to her.

She felt the anger bubbling up in her, felt betrayed that he hadn't told her the truth, hadn't told her about his real job, had made her believe that stripping was how he made his living and she ignored the small voice in her head that was whispering that they hardly knew each other and she hadn't told him about her real life either.

She already wanted to jump at him, completely forgetting why they were here in the first place when the door burst open and August rushed in, looking around frantically until Graham called his name and he was by his side a second later, his fingers trembling as he lifted a hand to brush it against his cheek.

"You alright, love?"

"I'm fine, August. Just a little cut."

Emma actually rolled her eyes because a few minutes before he was writhing on the bed, groaning as if he would die any second.

"Don't ever scare me like that again." August whispered, leaning down to press a kiss on Graham's lips and Emma's eyes flickered to Killian, curious about his reaction to the public display of affection in front of him.

A part of her wished he would jerk back with disgust, making it easier for her to hate him but a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth as he watched the two lovebirds whispering with hushed voices, their hands interlinked together, August careful to not jolt Graham's injured hand.

"Sorry to interrupt." Killian said, grinning at Graham and August as they both looked up at him. "I have to take a look at the cut for a second."

"Of course, doctor." August stepped back to give him some room but Graham suddenly furrowed his brows and held up his uninjured hand to stop Killian.

"Wait a second. You two know each other?" His eyes flickered to Emma and then back to Killian before landing on Killian's name tag. "Dr. Killian Jones?" His mouth dropped open and his eyes shot back to Emma. "THE Killian Jones?"

"Graham, this is not the time." Emma hissed, hoping he would get the hint and stop asking any inappropriate questions but August definitely didn't get the message.

"The stripper?" He blurted out, Emma letting out a groan as his eyes darted to Killian. "You are the stripper?"

Emma couldn't look at Killian, just seeing him lifting a hand and scratching behind his ear out of the corner of her eye.

"Aye, I'm Killian Jones." Killian replied before adding quietly. "The stripper."

"Wow." Graham said, tilting his head as he eyed Killian. "You are even more handsome than I thought. If you ever feel the need to explore the other side of the river ..."

"Graham!" Emma smacked her hand against his chest. "Your boyfriend is standing right there."

"Oh, honey." August drawled, his eyes actually roaming over Killian's body. "I wouldn't be averse to having a threesome with this handsome fellow."

"August!" Her cheeks were burning with embarrassment and she wouldn't look at Killian now. Never again. But Killian let out a chuckle, clearly amused by Graham and August's interest in him.

"Sorry, guys. Totally straight here."

"Such a shame." Graham sighed, shaking his head.

"Would you just stop it?" Emma growled.

"So, tell me, Dr. Jones. Why exactly did you ..."

Emma reached up and put her hand over his mouth, her eyes shooting him a silent message and this time both of them finally got the message but their eyes still turned to Killian and she could see they were burning to ask him questions, their expressions suddenly turning from amused to serious. She just prayed that they wouldn't start a fight in the middle of the ER as they clearly both slipped in their protective big brother mode without missing a beat.

"Could you just take a look at his hand now, Dr. Jones?" She addressed him formally, hoping this whole weird situation would just be over already.

-/-

Twenty minutes later Graham was good to go, still whining about having to endure getting pinched by a needle two times. Once to numb the area around the wound so that Killian could stitch it up and once for the tetanus shot he gave him.

Killian was giving him last instructions before slipping his gloves off and throwing them into the trash, saying his goodbyes before turning around to leave.

And suddenly she couldn't be cool about this whole situation anymore. The hurt and anger rushing back to the surface.

"Killian?" She called after him, jumping up from the chair and walking briskly towards him, seeing him stiffen before he turned around to face her.

"Aye?"

"Don't you think I deserve an explanation?"

"Emma, I ..." His beeper interrupted them and he pulled it off his pants, looking at the code before throwing her an apologetic glance. "I gotta go. Sorry."

Before she could say anything else he had already disappeared around the corner and she was standing in the middle of the ER, her heart aching in her chest.

She had missed him. She had missed him so much and seeing him again had just made it worse.

-/-

Somehow she had expected him to call her but he hadn't. She had waited one week for her phone to ring. But he hadn't even bothered to send her a text and she was seething with anger.

He would not get away that easily. She wanted to know why he didn't tell her.

She didn't listen to the voice in her head that kept constantly telling her that she was unfair. She had made the rules of their so called relationship. She had told him that she didn't want to get personal with him. That she didn't want to get to know him. That she just wanted to fuck him until she got bored with him.

She was leaning against the wall beside the back entrance of the club, waiting for him to come out and when he did her heart actually slammed against her rib cage. He was too handsome, he was just too fucking handsome and she wanted him so much. Still wanted him.

"Dr. Jones, a word?"

He swirled around to her, his eyes narrowing as he met her gaze and she pushed herself away from the wall and walked slowly towards him.

"Emma, why are you here?" His voice sounded detached as if he didn't care at all, and something inside of her broke, made her snap.

She slammed her fist against his chest, her voice almost collapsing as she shouted. "You should have fucking told me that you are a doctor."

"Why should I?" He wrapped his hands around hers to stop her from pounding them against his chest, his voice turning low as he growled. "I was your fuck buddy. Good enough for all your dirty, little fantasies. The stripper who gave it to you how you needed it. You are a bloody snob, Swan."

"You have no idea, Jones. None." She struggled against his grip, cursing her body for already responding to his nearness, for wanting him even if she was furious with him. "You don't know me."

"Because you never wanted me to get to know you." He yelled, letting go off her hands all of a sudden and pushing her backwards until she hit the wall with a loud thud. "You wanted my cock. You wanted me to fuck you senseless." His mouth tilted up into a smirk, his hand slipping under her shirt, his fingers skimming over her stomach, shooting goosebumps over her body. "Do you want me to fuck you? Right here and now? Do you want to feel my cock slipping into your tight, wet pussy?"

She trembled with fury, wanted to slap him, wanted to slap that cocky expression off his face but then he leaned closer, his eyes blazing into hers with a fire that only she could put out and rasped. "God, Swan. I want you."

"Fuck you." She cried out, trying to push him back but her body wasn't listening to her anymore, her fingers tightening around his hoodie and instead of pushing him back she pulled him closer. "Fuck you."

But then his lips were on hers and she gasped, his tongue pushing into her mouth immediately, kissing her hungrily, making her forget everything around her in a blink of an eye. She couldn't even think clearly anymore, his kisses, his hands robbing her of any coherent thought. In a haze she realized that he was lifting her up and she wrapped her legs around his waist automatically as he carried her inside, jerking a door open and stepping into the room behind. She could see a broom and cleansing utensils for a brief second before the door fell shut and complete darkness was enveloping them.

"God, Emma. I hope you are already wet for me because I can't wait to be in you."

She couldn't say anything because his mouth was back on hers and the part of her brain that was still functioning was telling her that it wasn't a coincidence that she had put on a skirt, her subconsciousness wanted this encounter to end exactly where she was right now. Pressed against a wall with his fingers between her legs and she moaned as he pushed her panties aside and drove two fingers into her.

"So wet."

He kept sliding his fingers in and out of her, his thumb circling her clit as he leaned forward to press her against the wall with his chest as his other hand went for his pants and she heard his belt clinking, the rustling of his pants gliding down to the floor and a moment later his fingers were gone and his tip was pushing against her, his hands grabbing her ass and tilting her hips forward as he slipped deeper.

"God, Emma." His voice was hoarse as he buried himself inside of her until the hilt. "You are so scorching hot. God, I've missed you."

And then he started to move, pounding into her with deep and hard thrusts and her brain was screaming at her that he wasn't wearing a condom but the sensations he elicited in her was drowning out the voice in her head and she tightened her legs around his waist, her head hitting the wall, a deep moan rumbling out of her chest as his hand slipped between them, pressing hard against her clit as he leaned back, pumping even faster in and out of her.

"Come on, love. I want you to come undone for me." She felt his ass muscles flex against her heels, the sounds of their bodies slamming together reverberating through the air and then she felt him stiffen, his hips rocking forward as he emptied himself in her and she shot over the edge with him, clamping her walls around his cock as her orgasm knocked the breath out of her, wave after wave crushing down on her, leaving her dizzy and spent behind.

The moment he slipped out of her and let her legs drop back to the ground, reality rushed back in and she gasped, pushing him away from her.

"I … we … we shouldn't have …" She stumbled over the words, not knowing what she should say, glad for the darkness surrounding them and she fumbled for the knob behind her back, letting out a sigh of relief as her fingers closed around it. "I gotta go."

"Emma, wait."

But she stormed out the door without giving him a chance to say anything more. Again.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you so much for all the feedback. It made me grin like an idiot because so many of you cursed in capslocks. :-)**

**I think I need to make it up to you, right? Right.**

**This chapter was supposed to be longer but I am running out of time today, so you'll get the first part of the chapter today and the second part tomorrow. :-)**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

"How did it go?"

She pushed the door shut and slid down to the ground, pulling her knees to her chest and leaning her head on it as she looked up at Graham.

"Oh, that good." He sat down on the ground beside her and lifted his arm, patting his shoulder. "Come here and tell Uncle Graham what went wrong."

"I fucked up." She mumbled as she leaned into him, shifting to make it more comfortable for her before huffing. "Or to be more accurate I fucked him or he me. Not sure about that. Let's just say we jumped each other."

"So, no talking at all?"

"I yelled at him first and then he yelled back and then I was smashed against the wall and he kissed me senseless and from there on there was no talking anymore."

"Is that such a bad thing?"

"I'm going insane, Graham." Emma sighed. "First I was angry at him, then I wanted to play it cool, then I was angry again and then I just wanted him and I didn't even care about protection. I'm taking the pill so there won't be a pregnancy scare and I'm pretty certain that he is not carrying any STD's around with him since he always used protection with me before and never forgot it even in the most heated situations and after all he is a doctor. What makes me feel guilty again for being angry. Because I shouldn't be upset about the fact that he didn't tell me that he is a doctor. And his job shouldn't matter anyway. And ..." She let out another sigh, curling closer into his body. "This is just a big, huge, fucking mess."

"And then there is that small problem that you love him." Graham said softly, tightening his arm around her.

"Yep. There is that." Emma breathed. "This little detail that makes it just a teeny, tiny little bit more complicated."

"Well, if it makes you feel better ... I totally understand the jumping part."

"You are not helping, Graham."

"I just want to be supportive." Graham replied, his voice sounding completely insincere. "With those blue eyes and dark hair, not to mention the scruff ... I can imagine it's hard to concentrate around him."

"Yeah, that's very supportive of you." Emma told him, leaning back and arching an eyebrow at him.

"What are you gonna do now?" Graham asked, pulling her back against his chest.

"Honestly? I have no clue. Apparently I can't be near him when I want to have a conversation with him and I'm still not even sure if I should have one with him."

"I think you owe it to him and, more importantly, to yourself. You never gave him a chance to explain it to you. After all you didn't tell him why you were so upset about falling in love with him. I think you should tell him. He deserves that much."

"Maybe you are right."

"If you would be a man I would tell you to keep it in your pants for once and sit down and have an adult conversation about this, but I'm sure you still get the drift."

"Yeah, I get it." Emma said, her mouth quirking up into a lopsided grin.

"So, how about we are gonna make fajitas and have some Caipirinhas to relax you a little bit and when you have your libido under control, after two to three days, you are gonna call him?"

"That's a splendid idea."

-/-

She was driving him nuts.

He couldn't control himself around her. It was ridiculous. He was like a horny teenager whenever she came anywhere near him.

The only time he could resist her had been when she had showed up in the ER, the routine of being a doctor helping him to focus, but after his shift had been over and he couldn't distract himself anymore, all he could think about was her.

He had hoped he might forget her when enough time had passed but he hadn't, and he had picked up his phone numerous times, his finger hovering over the display, but he had always put it down again, not knowing what he should say to her.

Until she had showed up at the club again and had yelled at him, and something inside of him had snapped. She had never given him the chance to explain it to her, not to mention that she just assumed he didn't have deeper feelings for her and as the anger had bubbled up inside of him he had completely forgotten about the last time they had sex and what her departing words had been and had yelled back.

He couldn't even say how they ended up kissing each other as if their lives depended on it, but the moment her lips met his he was a goner, the lust crashing down over him and sweeping him away.

And God, it had felt so good to be inside of her again, to feel her walls enveloping him tightly as he had thrusted deep into her, completely ignoring the fact that they didn't use protection and then she had run away. Again.

He knew he had to talk to her, at least to make sure she was okay and to clear up if there was the possibility that she might be pregnant, not to mention that he had to ask her if she had been sleeping with other people without using protection, and this was definitely not a talk he was looking forward to.

And in all this jumbled mess there was still the fact that he was in love with her and apparently she was in love with him too and they should probably at least try to sort this all out, even if they would fail at the end, but at least they would have closure because just burying his feelings and hoping to forget her was clearly not working and this was a just a huge, bloody mess.

-/-

Three days later he still hadn't called her and after the day he had had he didn't feel up to it.

There had been a huge traffic accident on Highway 6 and the hospital had been a nightmare the whole day.

Screams and crying. Blood everywhere. And he had been in the OR all day, assisting his attending as they had tried everything in their powers to save the victims, hoping that they would survive without severe brain damage.

One had died on the table, another one would probably never wake up again, several others were in critical condition, and that had only been their department.

He was bone tired, every muscles in his body was aching and he contemplated if he should just take some aspirin and drop into bed, making the most out of his free day tomorrow and catch up on some sleep.

But before he could push himself off the couch his car keys fell into his lap and he looked up at Robin, raising his eyebrows in question.

"Go."

"Go where?" Killian asked, lifting his hand and pinching his nose, hoping the pounding in his head wouldn't get worse.

"Emma."

"Excuse me?"

"Remember the last time you lost a patient?"

"So your advice to me is go fuck her?" Killian scoffed, shaking his head. "Yeah, I'm sure that would go over well, considering what happened the last time we saw each other."

"You are gonna tell me you only went to her because you needed a good fuck?"

"You know it was more than that."

"Then go and talk to her." Robin told him firmly. "It's about time you two have a talk and your tiredness might actually be of advantage."

"How so?"

"You probably will tell her the truth because your walls are down."

"I'm not sure I would consider that an advantage." Killian replied, leaning his head onto the backrest and staring up at the ceiling.

"Chicken!"

"Wow, that's a low blow, Locksley." Killian turned his head, shooting an annoyed glare in his direction. "Besides I can't just show up at her apartment. I should call her first."

"Try your luck. She won't send you away when she takes a look at you. You look horrible."

"Thank you very much, mate."

"You're welcome." Robin replied, grinning from ear to ear. "Now get out of here."


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for the kudos and comments. :-)**

**And here is the next part. I hope you enjoy.**

* * *

**Chapter 13**

To say that she was surprised when she looked through the spyhole and saw him standing in front of the door was probably the understatement of the century and her hand trembled as she reached for the door knob.

_Play it cool, Emma. Play it cool._

"What brought you into this neighborhood?"

She forced her lips into a smile, asking the question as if it was no big deal, as if he came to her apartment every day. But her smile dropped when he looked up and she saw the utter exhaustion on his face.

"God, you look horrible." She blurted out.

"Thanks for the compliment, love." He replied, his mouth tilting up with a tired smirk.

"What happened?"

"Can I come in?"

She knew they needed to talk and that she had put it off long enough, so she stepped aside and let him in.

-/-

She almost dropped the beer bottles when she pulled them out of the fridge, her hands shaking with nervousness.

She had no idea why he was here, if he was only here because he was a reasonable adult, and they had slept with each other without protection after all, so he might want to make sure he wouldn't become a father in ten months, or if he was here to talk also about them.

She wasn't certain if she was ready, but she couldn't run away anymore. Straightening her shoulders, she took in a deep breath and walked back into the living room.

-/-

Robin had been right. It already helped to see her, his tense shoulders relaxing despite the talk that was about to happen.

He took the offered beer bottle out of her hand with a quite thanks, shifting on the couch to give her more room to sit down.

"You alright?" Her soft voice felt like a caress to his battered state of mind and he gave her a short smile.

"You've heard of the accident on Highway 6?"

"Yes." She replied, watching him carefully until she realized what that had probably meant for him and reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. "I'm so sorry, Killian. It had to be rough."

"It was." He said quietly, turning his hand and interlacing his fingers with hers, hoping she wouldn't pull back, his heart slamming against his rib cage as she tightened her grip, giving him the courage to tell her what he came for. "But that's not why I am here."

"Why are you here?"

"Four reasons."

He almost said five but managed to hold it back because one of the main reasons was, that only being with her made the horrors he had seen today a little bit more bearable. But voicing this reason would make him too vulnerable, would reveal too much, and he wasn't ready for opening up like this just yet.

"Just four?" She teased, her eyes glinting with amusement, and he chuckled softly before holding up one finger.

"Reason number one … I'm sorry about the last time we saw each other. I completely lost my head, saying some things I didn't mean, not to mention that I forgot to use protection." He paused briefly, taking in a deep breath before asking the important question. "Do I have to worry about anything?"

Part of her was grateful that he had actually thought of it and would probably take responsibility, unlike a certain someone she didn't want to remember. But another part of her was feeling a pang of regret that she would not carry his child.

_Stop this, Emma._

She scolded herself inwardly because thinking about children with him was completely insane and ...

"Emma?"

His voice yanked her out of her reveries and she looked up, recognizing the worried expression on his face, realizing that her continued silence might give him cause to freak out.

"If you are wondering if I might get pregnant … to 99,9 % we are safe. I'm on the pill."

"Okay." He fidgeted slightly, clearly feeling uncomfortable, his eyes wandering through the room until they settled back on her face with a determined expression. "I normally always use protection. And I mean always. It's been a very long time since I had sex without a condom. A really long time."

She had caught the quiver in his voice, assuming there was a story to tell, one he wasn't ready to tell her yet, if ever.

"Same here." She replied.

"Good."

His thumb brushed over the back of her hand and she felt tingles running from her hand up to her shoulder and straight down to her stomach, an aching knot settling in her core, but this time she would not let herself get distracted.

"What's the second reason?" She asked quickly before she would grab him and yank him towards her to kiss him.

"I owe you an explanation."

"Okay."

"You met me as a stripper and assumed that I made my living with it. Truth is … I like it. It's fun and it helps pay the debts I have left from medical school, and I'm not gonna lie … it makes it very easy to pick up women."

"Yep. I know." Emma interrupted, earning a smirk from him.

After all this had all started with a note he had sent her, asking her if she would suck him off. She still couldn't believe it that not one woman had sued him for sexual harassment yet, considering he even put it down in writing, giving written proof. It must be his charm. And his good looks.

"I normally don't tell my conquests about my real job." He continued, the smirk still lingering on his lips. "Most of the times there is no reason for it since I seldom spend more than one night with them and telling them you are a doctor often results in them wanting more."

"Which you don't want."

"Not until I met you." Her stomach flipped as his eyes bored into hers, his gaze full of sincerity when he added. "I should have told you, Emma. You were never only a good fuck. Never. But it's hard to break habits and I was afraid I might be wrong about you and you are one of those women who would only go out with men who have the right job."

She cringed inwardly because in his eyes she was one of those women and it was time to explain her actions.

"I owe you an explanation as well." Emma said softly, contemplating for a second how much she was willing to tell him at this point, deciding to keep the explanation short. "I've been burnt before and I was too quick with my judgment. I'm sorry about that. I'm normally not such a snob. It's just an old wound that apparently still hasn't healed properly."

He didn't say anything, just squeezed her hand, and she was grateful that he didn't pry.

"What's the next reason?" She inquired before the silence could grow uncomfortable.

He turned around to her, his eyes locking with hers, the intensity of his gaze shooting shivers down her spine.

"I would like to date you, Emma Swan. The whole shebang. Flowers, dinner, movies. I want the real deal. With you."

"Really?"

"Really." He said quietly. "So what do you say? Can you give me another chance?"

"Yes." She whispered without hesitation, pulling his head down to her to press a kiss on his lips. "Yes, I would like to date you, Killian Jones."

The kiss intensified until they needed to come up for air and he leaned his forehead against hers, his hand cradling her head as he rasped. "As much as I would like to celebrate that we finally talked and take you to bed ... I'm almost falling asleep right here and there, so ... rain check?"

"Of course. You must be beat." He must have been on his feet for hours, not to mention the emotional toll the day must have had on him. "I'll walk you to the door."

It wasn't as if everything was resolved all of a sudden but it was a start and she tried to ignore the flutters of dread in her stomach when she realized he hadn't said anything about love, her old fears springing back to the surface as she accompanied him to the door.

He was leaning against the doorframe, a lopsided grin adorning his face, a grin that made her knees turn into jelly and she grabbed the door harder for support.

"So, seven o'clock tomorrow night?"

"Yes. That would be okay with me."

He bent forward and brushed his lips over her cheek. "See you tomorrow."

He was almost around the corner as she remembered that he hadn't told her his last reason and she shouted after him. "Killian?"

"Aye?"

"What's the last reason?"

His mouth quirked up with a dazzling smile, one of those smiles that almost knocked her off her feet and she watched him coming closer with bated breath, a sigh slipping out of her mouth as he pulled her into his arms and crushed his lips on hers, kissing her with a passion that made her clutch her fingers into his shirt and hold on for dear life.

She was panting when he released her lips, her heart racing in her chest and jolts of electricity rushed through her as he pulled her even closer, his lips skimming over her ear.

"Remember what you said the last time you've tied me up?" Emma had a hard time to concentrate, the lust coiling hot in the pit of her stomach as he splayed his fingers out over the small of her back, but he didn't wait for her answer and continued to speak in a raspy voice that made her core clench with need. "The main reason I came over is ..." He paused again, tilting his head, his lips ghosting over her cheek as he whispered. "I feel the same way."

And then he was suddenly gone, walking down the hallway without looking back and Emma blinked. Once. Twice. Staring after him for a few seconds until her foggy brain suddenly realized what he had said and a huge grin split up her face.

This was definitely the best reason.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you so much for all the support. Honestly, I hadn't intended to actually write the date. I only wanted to mention it but a lot of you were looking forward to their first date, so you'll get it. :-)**

**I hope you like it.**

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**Chapter 14**

"God, this bloody tie." He mumbled, yanking at the knot to loosen it a little bit, popping the first button of his shirt open before exhaling a deep breath. "That's much better."

He raised his head and pushed the doorbell, his heart fluttering in his chest as he waited for Emma to open the door. He felt like a teenager going out on his first date. He might not have done serious relationships but he had taken some of the women he had sex with on a date now and then. He shouldn't feel so nervous about it. But it was Emma and this, having a date with her, was different.

He contemplated if he should just take the bloody tie completely off before it would suffocate him but then he heard footsteps approaching the door and he put his hand that was holding the single flower behind his back before the door opened in front of him.

"Wow!" He couldn't say more, the sight in front of him taking his breath away. She was gorgeous. Absolutely stunning.

-/-

A three-piece suit? Jesus.

Not that she had expected anything less. Not really. Because he was a doctor after all. Of course he was pulling out all the stops and she had to give it to him.

The suit looked amazing. He looked amazing. The different shades of blue made his eyes even brighter and the scruff just made it all bearable because without it he would have looked too good.

Her burgundy dress actually fitted perfectly to his navy blue suit and the heels she was wearing made her be on eye-level with him and a smile tugged at her lips when she saw him still standing dumbfounded in the hallway, his mouth gaping open slightly as he stared at her.

"Close your mouth or you'll catch flies."

His mouth snapped shut and he threw her a lopsided grin, pulling his hand from behind his back, showing her the flower he had hid. "You look gorgeous, Emma."

Her heart actually flipped as she took the single flower with shaking fingers. She would have expected something classic. Like a rose. Maybe not in red but still a rose. But he had surprised her. Bringing her a single orange Gerbera, with yellow shades at the roots of the leaves and red at the tips.

"I'll just put it into the water. Give me a sec."

She had just put the flower into a vase when she heard the door of August and Graham's room open and groaned slightly, rushing back before they would start harassing Killian again, but when she rounded the corner she realized she was already too late to stop them.

"Well, well, well. Look what the cat has dragged in." Graham said, undressing Killian with his eyes. "Not that bad. Not that bad."

Emma rolled her eyes as she watched Graham and August look Killian over from head to toe, August even stepping forward and flicking his finger against the lapel of his jacket, drawling with a falsetto voice. "You are a sight for sore eyes, darling."

"God, would you two just stop this?"

"Let them have their fun." Killian told her, grinning from ear to ear. "They know I'm straight and already taken anyway."

"You are?" She couldn't help asking and the smirk that pulled up his mouth shot straight down to her core and made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

"I am."

He pulled her into his arms, his mouth capturing hers in a searing kiss. A kiss that made her legs almost give out under her and she wrapped her hands around his neck, feeling slightly dizzy and then someone cleared his throat very loudly and Killian leaned back, releasing her lips slightly reluctant and Emma let out a soft sigh before she took a step back and whispered. "My brother."

She turned around and saw her brother watching them with a raised eyebrow, his arms folded over his chest and she hoped he would go easy on Killian. They had talked about Killian and David knew that she was in love with him and that he needed to behave if he wanted his sister to stay in his life.

"So you are the stripper slash neurosurgeon?"

"David!" She hissed, wondering why they had even talked beforehand when he still wanted to insult her date.

"I'm not a full-fledged neurosurgeon yet." Killian replied calmly but she could feel him stiffen beside her, his fingers tightening around her waist as if he wanted to make sure that she didn't leave him alone with her brother.

They were eyeing each other, no one saying a word and Emma rolled her eyes, reaching for the door handle and opening the door, pushing Killian out into the hallway.

"We gotta go."

She knew David would have the big brother talk with Killian eventually and Graham and August would also grill him but not before they had gone on their first real date.

-/-

Her mouth tilted up into a smile when they stepped out of her apartment block and she spotted his car. An old VW Golf which looked as if it would collapse any second, the color hardly discernible through all the rust spots. But she wouldn't complain. After all she loved old cars and her yellow bug might not have visible rust spots but it was definitely temperamental in certain areas. Like the heating system that worked one day and didn't the next. Or the fuel gage that didn't work anymore.

"It's still driving." Killian said as he opened the car door for her and she chuckled as she slipped onto the seat.

"I didn't doubt it for a second."

Leaning back into the seat, she watched him out of the corner of her eyes as he drove to the restaurant, feeling a sudden rush of arousal as she saw him working the stick with practiced ease.

He had chosen an Italian restaurant she hadn't heard of but the moment they stepped into the restaurant she knew she loved it. Soft music in the background, small tables with red and white checkered tablecloths, dimmed light but not to dark that you couldn't see your food and a waiter whose accent and appearance clearly were Italian.

They were seated in the back of the restaurant in a quiet corner, the waiter handing them the menu and wine card, putting a basket of bread on the table, Emma's stomach growling silently as she smelled the scent of fresh baked bread wafting towards her, her fingers itching to reach for a bun and breaking it open to see if it would still be warm enough to steam.

"I hope you are okay with this." Killian said, swirling his hand around. "I know Italian food is a lot of carbs and you women normally don't want to eat that much … not that you can't eat carbs it's just ..." He stopped and inhaled deeply, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, exciting the urge in her to run her tongue over the indentations his teeth left behind. "But the food is really delicious and ..."

"Hey." She said softly, reaching over the table and putting her hand over his, stilling his fingers that had tapped in a rapid staccato on the table. "It's still us. No need to be nervous. After all you already know a lot of my dirtiest secrets."

"You mean my knowledge of your ..." He paused and cocked an eyebrow, and heat rushed straight between her legs, her eyes narrowing as she expected him to say something very dirty. "... cravings for good Italian food?"

"See, you've got this." Emma said matter-of-factly, trying to hide the smirk that pulled at the corner of her mouth by holding the menu up but of course he wouldn't let her get away that easily, his fingers sliding over the top of the menu and pulling it down.

"And of course your other cravings." He said suggestively. "Of the kinky sort."

"Oh, you haven't seen half of it yet." She couldn't keep herself from teasing him, and his eyebrows shot up with her suggestion.

"Looking forward to explore the universe of kink with you."

"I bet you do."

The food was amazing and while they ate their way through antipasti, pasta and pizza they talked about their jobs, their friends and even covered favorite ice cream and all that stuff you normally asked when you went on a first date.

After putting the last spoon of Tiramisu into her mouth, she leaned back, letting out a soft groan. "I can't eat one more bite. I feel like I'll explode any second."

"So you liked it?"

"Yes, it was absolutely delicious." Emma sighed, her eyes meeting his over the table. "So, Mr. Jones. There is one question I still haven't asked."

"And that would be, Ms. Swan?"

"I'm not that good with accents but you don't sound as if you are from Scotland."

"I'm Irish." He replied. "And I assume you ask because of the kilt?"

"Yep."

"It draws in the ladies and it's easy to get rid off while stripping."

"I see." Emma tilted her head, watching him intently for a second before asking her next question. "So how does it come you landed in America?"

A shadow flickered over his eyes, his posture stiffened for a second and he averted his gaze down to the table, his fingers tightening around the napkin and she already wanted to say that he didn't need to tell her if it made him uncomfortable but before she could get a word out, he looked up again with a determined expression.

"My brother." He hesitated for a second, clearly struggling to keep his composure. "He came here first and didn't rest until I settled down here too." She knew something awful had happened before he opened his mouth again to speak, her heart feeling heavy in her chest as he spoke with a chocked voice. "He died seven years ago."

"I'm sorry, Killian." She said softly, reaching for his hand and squeezing his fingers gently.

"Me too. Me too."

He changed the topic after that, telling her about what he had all seen in his line of work and Emma immediately jumped on it, knowing he needed her to not prod further. She didn't need to know any details. At least not right away.

Of course he brought her to her door afterwards, stealing a toe-curling kiss from her before pushing away, telling her with a wink they needed to wait until at least the third date before they could have sex again, and probably until the tenth date before they could start to get kinky.

Leaning against the doorframe, she watched him disappear around the corner with a big, silly smile on her face.

-/-

He shifted above her, his arousal brushing over the skin of her thigh and a jolt rushed through her, her hips bucking upwards but his hand reached for her hip, pressing her down on the mattress, his lips skimmed over her mouth, his tongue flicked teasingly against her lips and she lifted her legs, wrapping them around his waist. "Please, Killian."

"No." He said firmly, his tongue slipping into her mouth as she wanted to complain, kissing her deep and hungry, but he still didn't move where she wanted him to be and she growled, her hands shooting up to his head and her fingers curled around his hair, tugging at it hard.

"God, Jones. Just get the fuck inside of me."

It had been over six weeks since they had last slept together. Both their jobs keeping them from having their three dates any time sooner and he had insisted they wait until after the third and now she needed him desperately to finally slip into her again.

"Patience, Swan. Patience."

"Fuck patience." She gritted out through clenched teeth, digging her nails into his skin but he didn't budge, his fingers brushing over one erected nipple, tugging at it softly before they were gone again and she wanted to scream and hit him because he just kept torturing her and she couldn't take it any longer.

She almost wept as he finally thrusted inside of her, but only a few inches before he stopped again, his fingers closing over hers as he pressed her hands beside her head into the pillow, giving her another lazy kiss and she couldn't bear it any longer, her whole body was aflame and she needed to find release and he was not giving it to her.

"Killian, just fuck me al-" She let out a loud moan as he pushed inside of her until the hilt and she bit her tongue, her whole body trembling as she waited for him to start moving but he didn't.

"Look at me, Emma." He pulled out of her, staying completely motionless. "Look at me."

His urgent voice made her eyes snap up to his and she couldn't look away anymore, his eyes boring into hers as he moved above her. So slowly. So tenderly. It was completely different than anything they had done before in bed and she realized with a start that he was making love to her, baring his soul to her as his fingers tightened around hers again and he shifted, hitting her at the exact right spot and her eyes fluttered close but he stopped immediately, waiting for her to open her eyes before he started moving again.

He took his time and Emma didn't know how long he was thrusting inside of her, changing the angle every so often, building up her climax so agonizingly slowly that she had problems to breathe. If she would be able to scold him she would but she couldn't even form one word anymore, the lazy torture being too much for her.

A shallow thrust and he was pulling out again, leaning forward and closing his mouth over her nipple, suckling at it softly for a second before pushing his hips forward again, burying himself inside of her.

"God, Killian." She whimpered, her heels digging into his back, her fingers gripping the sheet. "I need to come. Please. I need to come now."

He still didn't alter the pace but he leaned back on his knees, pulling her up into the air to thrust deeper into her, his thumb pressing on her clit, rubbing it softly as he kept pushing into her.

"God."

She arched her back, only her shoulders remaining on the mattress as the first tugs of her climax zipped through her body, and the pressure increased as he moved his finger faster over the bundle of nerves and she bucked her hips into him, her whole body quivering with need and want and tension until he finally hit the spot deep inside of her and pushed her over the edge, the tremors rippling through her, over and over again.

The waves were still rushing through her and she hardly realized that he had fallen back forward on his arms again, his thrusts coming hard and fast now as he chased his own release while she still tried to come down from her high and seconds later he let out a guttural groan, stiffening inside of her, almost crushing her as he crashed down on her.

She could hardly breathe but she didn't want him to move and she lifted one hand with some effort, threading her fingers through his hair and trailing her hand down his spine and up again, a feeling of absolute satisfaction sweeping over her and she almost let out a sigh as he slipped out of her and rolled down, taking her with him.

"You are gonna pay for this torture." Emma whispered against his damp chest, flopping one arm and leg over his body.

"Good torture or bad torture?"

"Bad torture. Definitely bad torture." Emma mumbled. "Involving your kilt and only your kilt and I'll not let you come for hours."

"That sounds not that bad at all."

"Just wait until you are crying for mercy and begging me to wrap my mouth around your cock to make you come already."

"Bloody hell, Emma." He growled, pushing her on her back again. "If I hadn't just fucked you for over an hour and can't get it up right now, I would take you again. So I just have to keep you occupied until I have recovered."

"And how are you going to manage that?" Emma asked, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

"I have a very skilled mouth and hands."

And before Emma could give him a reply he pushed her legs apart and settled between them, his hands gripping her waist and pulling her forward until his mouth was only a few inches away from her folds.

"Let's see how often I can make you come before I need to be inside of you again."

They didn't sleep much that night.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you so much for the kudos and comments!**

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**Chapter 15**

God, she loved tying him up. Especially when his muscles bulged and his whole body trembled.

She had tied him with shackles and cuffs spread-eagled to the wall. The kilt the only clothing she allowed, and her mouth was curving into a lopsided smile as he cursed loudly when she trailed her fingers over his rigid length. She had promised him bad torture. And bad torture he got.

She reached for the kilt, flapping it open to reveal his straining cock and she let her fingers ghost over it, a thrill rushing through her as he groaned, a vein at the side of his cock throbbing as she let one finger trail over his slit.

"Emma, please." He gritted out through clenched teeth and she looked up at him, taking him loosely into her hand.

"I told you I'll get you back." She purred, pumping him hard twice before stepping back again.

His back arched away from the wall, the muscles in his arms and thighs going rigid as he leaned forward as far as he could get, his eyes blazing with fire. A hunger and need she felt throbbing between her legs too.

"God, woman! I know you are soaking wet for me and aching for my cock to slam into you. Just open these damn cuffs and I'll help you with that."

"I'm not finished with you yet."

His curses echoed through the room as she kneeled down, loosening the belt that held his kilt in place so that it gaped open, his arousal jutting out and she leaned forward, letting her tongue flick against the head.

"God, have mercy!" He yelped above her and she grinned, opening her mouth and taking him in, sucking hard and his hips rocked forward, his voice turning almost unintelligible as she bopped her head back and forth before suddenly letting him drop out of her mouth.

"Fuck you, Swan!" He hissed, his hands tightening into fists. "You can't leave me hanging like this. Wrap your mouth back around my cock again and let me come."

"You want to spill your cum into my mouth?"

"God, yes. Please, Emma. I need to come." His whole body was covered with a fine sheen of sweat, his bottom lip was showing two sharp indentations were he had buried his teeth and his eyes were pleading with her. "Emma, please."

"Fine."

She dropped back on her knees and took him back into her mouth, licking and sucking him hard, her hand alternating between pumping his cock and massaging his balls until his body arched away from the wall, his release spurting down her throat in hot bursts and she kept sucking him, prolonging his climax as long as she could before releasing his cock with a loud pop.

"Satisfied?" She asked, looking up at him.

He didn't even look down at her, tremors running over his body as he gasped for air, his eyes screwed shut and she hid a smirk as she stood up and reached for the low bench and pushed it under his feet before removing the cuffs around his ankles. She feared he would collapse into her arms as she stepped on the bench and removed the restraints around his wrists, his body swaying towards her.

"Hey, you alright?"

He leaned heavily against her, his hot breath brushing over her cheek as he mumbled. "One day you are gonna be the death of me, Swan."

She chuckled, she couldn't help it; the chuckle turning into laughter as he tilted his head and opened one eye slowly, shooting her a reproachful glance.

"Not funny, love. I can't move a muscle."

"Come on." She slipped under his arm and helped him down from the bench, both staggering towards the bed and collapsing onto it.

It needed some shifting and shoving until he was lying completely on the mattress and she leaned over him, brushing the sweaty hair from his forehead.

"Get some sleep, Killian. I've apparently worn you out."

"I'll just need some hours rest and then I'll have my revenge." He murmured and seconds later his breath evened out as he slipped into sleep.

"I love you." Emma whispered, scooting closer to his body and laying her head on his chest, she closed her eyes. "I love you."

-/-

It was kind of ridiculous that their first real fight was about the kilt, or more accurate about his job as a stripper. As much as she loved the kilt and the strip shows he was doing only for her, she couldn't keep the jealousy in check any longer. The thought that everyone could see her boyfriend almost completely naked was driving her insane and she told him there had to be other ways to earn money to repay his student loans.

A lot of screaming and some broken dishes later he stormed out of the apartment, leaving her behind, fuming with fury. A few hours later she pushed him against the wall in the alley behind the club, jumping up on his waist and letting him fuck her hard.

They talked about it later when they were much calmer and after a few rounds of hot and sweaty sex. He agreed that he had to give up the job and since his loans were almost paid and he earned much more money now than a year ago, he had promised her he would quit.

-/-

Everything seemed to be just splendid. The sex was fantastic. The dates were amazing. She felt comfortable with him.

But ...

Somehow she still waited for everything to crash. Somehow this felt all too good to be true. She could literally feel the dark clouds looming over them. They were happy. Everything seemed to be okay. But something just didn't feel right.

He was having nightmares now and then, screaming his brother's name and the name of a woman she didn't know anything about. She had tried to soothe him first but he had shut her completely out, throwing the covers away and walking to the window, his body rigid with tension.

He didn't tell her what his nightmares were about, acting the next morning as if nothing had happened at all, but it was nagging at her. But she still had secrets and he had his. They weren't ready to share them yet. Apparently.

But she should tell him about Neal and the bad choices she had made back then and she needed him to tell her about his brother and what happened all those years ago when he had lost him.

Maybe they just needed to get everything out in the open and hope for the best.

Maybe then she would be able to let him really in.

Maybe then she would be able to tell him how much he meant to her.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

His heart pounded frantically in his chest, sweat was clinging to his skin and it was hard to breathe. So hard.

He was slipping out of under the covers, strolling over to the window and pressed his hand against the cold glass, gulping hard as he tried to get his breathing in check.

It was always the same. The screeching of the tires, the screams in his ears and then the beeping sound of the phone.

He clenched his teeth, willing the pain down. A pain that was trying to drown him.

"Killian?"

He jerked as he heard her voice. He hadn't heard her waking up, too consumed by the terrors of his nightmare, too haunted by the mistakes of his past.

"Talk to me."

He heard the pleading in her voice and he wanted to keep it away from her, didn't want her to know what he did, didn't want her to see what kind of horrible human being he'd been. He could have prevented it. They didn't need to die. It was his selfishness that killed them. He killed them. It wouldn't have been any different if he had driven a knife through their hearts. He was the reason they were dead.

But if he wouldn't open up to Emma he would lose her. He knew he would. He would lose the best thing that happened to him in ages. He would lose her friendship. He would lose the hope that had spilled into him again. Hope that his life might have more meaning than being a doctor and saving lives. Hope that he might be worth being loved again. Might be worth to love again.

He pushed away from the window sill and walked briskly into the living room, opening the bar and pulling out a bottle of scotch. He just needed some liquid courage. He couldn't tell her without feeling the burn of alcohol down his throat. Because he might lose her after all. After telling her his darkest secret, she might recoil from him and never wanted to see him again. He needed to prepare for the worst, because his past might destroy everything between them.

"Killian?" Her voice drifted into his mind again and he gripped the glass in his hand tighter, fearing he would crush it in his hands. "Please, don't shut me out."

He reached for another glass and poured her three fingers of scotch, shoving it into her hand. "I think you need one too if you want to listen to the story."

"Okay." She said softly, following him to the couch and sitting down beside him.

"It's not pretty." He told her, his voice barely above a whisper. "And it's hard to tell … anyone. I just need a favor from you before I begin."

She reached for his free hand, the one that wasn't closed around the glass, and squeezed it gently. "Of course."

"Just ..." He gulped hard, his stomach clenching with dread. "I … don't interrupt me, okay? I just … I can't … I need to tell you without interruptions."

She just nodded and leaned back, her fingers leaving his as if she knew, somehow, that he couldn't keep body contact with her while telling her the story.

He swirled the glass in his hand, staring at the amber liquid sloshing against the rim before he raised his hand and gulped down the content, hissing slightly as the alcohol burned its path down his throat.

Leaning back, he closed his eyes. He didn't think he could look at her right now.

"I was studying in England. Eight years ago." His voice was hoarse, every word he forced through his throat was hurting him inside. It had been so long, but the pain was as fierce as it had been all this time ago. "Liam had gone to America for his job and he kept begging me to come over as well. I resisted. Didn't want to leave England behind. But then he told me he might get me into John Hopkins and I couldn't let this opportunity slide." He was breathing hard now, the memories trying to choke him but he pushed through, no matter how tight his chest felt. "I came over to America on a student visa. All bright eyed and eager to learn. I knew Liam had a girlfriend. He had told me everything about her via Skype. I had never seen her in person, only pictures. He was a fine lass. Gorgeous eyes, long lean body. I understood why he liked her."

"I didn't think it was possible. I loved my brother. Fiercely. I didn't think I could ever do anything to hurt him. But then I met Milah in person and I was lost. I never believed in love at first sight until I met her. I fell in love. Hard and fast. I tried to stay away. But I couldn't. She fell in love too. Or at least she told me she was in love with me. We fought against it for quite some time, but then I came to their apartment one day, wanting to talk to my brother, and he wasn't there. Only Milah. It just happened. I couldn't control it. I was so in love and I was young. Seeing the future through rose-colored glasses." He clenched his fingers around the tumbler, expecting the glass to shatter in his hands any second. "Milah told me she would tell Liam, that she couldn't live a lie any longer and I agreed, believing it was the best way to go. We were in love."

"She told him while they were driving home from a concert. She shouldn't have told him while they were in the car." The lump in his throat was getting bigger and bigger, and he was hardly able to speak anymore. "He called me. All angry. Shouting at me how I could do that to him. I tried to explain, but he didn't listen to me. And then ..." He choked on a sob, his hands balling into fists as he rasped. "He lost control of the car. I heard their screams over the phone. Tires screeching, then the sound of their car hitting the guarding rail and then … nothing." He could hardly breathe, the memories slamming into him, tears pricking the back of his eyes as he remembered their last moments. "When the paramedics came to the scene they could only announce them dead. They died instantly. At least they told me they didn't suffer. But I will never know for sure. I will never know. And it's all my fault."

He couldn't keep the tears back any longer and leaned forward, burying his face into his hands and sobs racked his body, but suddenly he felt her hands on his back, her arms pulling him into her embrace, and he buried his head against her shoulder as the tears kept falling, his hands grabbing for her arm and gripping her tightly. He was breaking all over again, and he held on to her with everything in him.

Because if she would leave him … he didn't think he would survive it.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

His confession had cleared the air and she could see that a huge weight had been lifted off his chest. The way he had clung to her he had probably expected she would push him away, but of course she didn't.

He had a past. It wasn't pretty. But neither was hers.

He had fallen asleep with his head in her lap and she had stayed awake for hours, trailing her fingers through his hair and down his spine, relieved that he finally told her about his brother.

The next day she had been making coffee in the kitchen when he had joined her, scratching awkwardly behind his ear, and she had just walked over to him and hugged him, standing there for quite some time until she had felt him relax in her arms.

-/-

She wanted to tell him about her past, but just delayed the talk over and over again. Because he was happy. Because she was happy. And she wanted it to stay that way.

She was a coward. She knew that. But she just wanted to live in her bubble for a little while longer, before she had to relive the past and bring all the ugly things back to the surface.

Her mouth tilted up as Ian rushed into the room and jumped onto Killian's lap, a loud 'uff' echoing through the room as Killian wrapped his arm around him and swung him up in the air, Ian's giggles making her chuckle.

Killian was getting along splendidly with everyone she loved. All the men in her life actually enjoyed spending time together. She couldn't even count the times anymore when she had come home from work and found all four of them sitting on the couch and the floor, playing a car race, shouting and yelling, shooting good-willed insults back and forth.

But what warmed her heart most was how Killian had no problem with August and Graham's relationship. He just rolled his eyes when they got too carried away with PDA, and she would never forget the shriek when August had once grabbed him and pressed a smack on his lips, telling him he was too cute for words. Killian's face had been priceless and she had taunted him for weeks that he had screamed like a woman seeing a big, hairy spider in the bathtub.

They were spending all their free-time together, and it wasn't easy working around his shifts, but they managed. He had given up the stripping and she had taken his kilt hostage, only getting it out when she wanted him to give her a private show.

The words had been at the tip of her tongue for quiet some time, but she waited for the right moment to tell him how she felt about him. It wasn't that she wasn't sure about her feelings or his. She was. But somehow she couldn't tell him as long as he didn't know the whole truth about her.

-/-

She was standing in the hallway in front of the locker rooms at the hospital, waiting for Killian to come out, her eyes glued to her phone as she was playing Angry Birds to pass the time.

"Emma? Emma Swan?"

She froze, the voice catapulting her back in time, making her stomach churn. That couldn't be. It couldn't be him.

But when she turned her head he saw him. He looked the same like all those years ago, his eyes telling her that he was still on drugs, and she pushed her phone back into her pocket and wrapped her arms around her waist, digging her fingers into her skin.

She didn't want to talk to him. She never wanted to see him again.

"Hey, sweetheart. How are you doing?"

He stepped closer, much too close, but she couldn't move.

"You are still beautiful." His fingers closed around her chin as he tilted her head up, his thumb brushing over her lips as he rasped. "I still miss fucking you, you know? You were always so obedient. Let me do almost everything with you when you were high. How about we pick up where we left off? I'm still eager to fuck your ass, Emma."

His hips rocked forward and she could feel his arousal press against her stomach. Cold anger suddenly rushed through her, and she lifted her hands to his chest and pushed him backwards, her voice silent but ice cold.

"I don't want to see you, Neal. Ever again. Don't talk to me again. Never. Just turn around and leave. Now. Because I swear to God, if you don't leave right now I will call the police and have you arrested."

He cocked his head, eyeing her for a few seconds before he shrugged his shoulders. She was apparently not worth a fight, and relief washed through her.

"You've not been that good of a fuck anyways. I had plenty who've been much better than you were."

She watched him walk around the corner and her knees almost gave out under her as she slumped back against the wall. Her heart still hammered in her chest and her hands were still trembling as the door beside her suddenly opened and Killian stepped out.

"So, have you decided yet? Home or movie?" He asked, throwing his shoulder bag over his head before looking at her. The moment his eyes fell on her he froze, his hand coming up and squeezing her shoulder. "Emma, what's wrong?"

"I ..." She couldn't say anything, the shock of seeing Neal again still having her in its taut grip and Killian just pulled her into his arms, holding her tight until her shaking subsided before murmuring into her ear. "Let's go home, okay?"

She just nodded against his chest, pressing herself against him as close as she could without them falling over each other as they made their way to his car.

The moment they were buckled in and Killian had started the car he reached for her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. But he didn't say a word, didn't question her, and she was grateful that he gave her the time to calm down.

He drove to his apartment, and she let her head fall back against the head rest and closed her eyes. He had told her Robin and Victor weren't home, and she let out a soft sigh, knowing they would be undisturbed for a few hours.

Enough time to tell him about Neal. It was time. She couldn't keep it in anymore. He deserved to know.

-/-

He sat down behind her on the couch, pulling her between his legs and throwing a blanket over them both, and Emma snuggled into his arms, leaning her head against his shoulder and listening to his heartbeat for a few minutes.

"Can you tell me what happened?" His voice broke the silence and Emma stiffened.

She knew he would ask her, but it still wasn't easy to tell him. She shifted her hand, her fingers splaying out over his chest, her forehead touching his neck. She couldn't look at him while she was telling him. She just couldn't.

"I ... I was in a bad place and vulnerable after Mary Margaret died. David was a mess and I didn't know how I could help him. I met Neal at the wrong time. I would have never even given him a second look before, but I did then. He was a thief and a drug dealer. I shouldn't have touched him with a ten-foot pole but I was drunk, and he swept me off my feet. I slept with him already the first night, and from there on it went only downwards. Drugs, alcohol. "

"How did you get out?"

"Graham." Emma replied, her mouth turning up into a soft smile. "Neal's friends were beating him up. I wasn't supposed to be there, but I stumbled in on them giving him a lesson, and something inside of me snapped when I saw his bloody figure on the floor. I totally freaked, clawed at the men, ripped hairs, slammed my fists into everything I could reach until Neal pulled me off them and sedated me." She gulped hard, remembering the night as if it had been yesterday. "When I woke up I was alone, and I grabbed my things and left. I found out in which hospital Graham was in, and I went to check up on him. He didn't let me leave until I promised him I would come back the next day. We became friends. He got me into a program and stayed with me every step of the way. Never faltered. Never wavered. His friendship was the only anchor I had at that time."

"I'm glad you found a real friend, Emma. I know how important that is." His voice was low, his hand trailing over her hair and she pushed herself up, looking at him for the first time since she started to speak, her eyes asking him a silent question and his mouth quirked up into a smile, his fingers caressing her cheek as he said. "I was where you were. Drugs, alcohol, women. I spiraled out of control after Liam and Milah died."

"Who brought you back?"

"Ryan." He whispered, the smile dropping off his face as he added. "I was about to sell my body to a man when he found me and set my head straight."

"I'm glad he found you in time." Emma told him, lifting her hand, her fingers playing over his scruff.

"Me too."

Emma felt suddenly bone tired and she snuggled back into his embrace, seeking comfort in his warmth and the lazy movement of his hand up and down her spine.

This time she was the one falling in an exhausted sleep with her head on his lap.


	18. Chapter 18

**This is the last 'real' chapter. There will be a small epilogue. But that's it.**

* * *

**Chapter 18**

She hadn't realized that he had carried her to the bed at some point. She had slept like a rock after the emotional turmoil of the last day, and felt refreshed and rested now.

She was stretching herself like a cat when the door cracked open and Killian walked in, balancing a tray on his hand, and she inhaled deeply the scent of fresh brewed coffee as he sat it down on the night stand and leaned forward to brush a kiss over her lips.

"Breakfast in bed for my gorgeous girlfriend."

He grinned down at her, caging her in between his arms and her heart clenched in her chest, and a lump formed in her throat. Lifting her hands, she cupped his face and pulled him down to give him a real kiss before she leaned back and skimmed her fingers over his scruff, his blue eyes twinkling down at her and the words just slipped over her lips, suddenly it was just easy.

"I love you."

He stiffened, but only for a brief moment, before the smile split up his whole face and he hauled her into his arms, the tray almost crashing down on the ground as he pulled her onto his lap and kissed her passionately.

"I ... I wasn't sure if you ... I was afraid that you ... that I only imagined ... that I shouldn't hope ..." He stuttered, drawing in a deep breath. "Let me start from the beginning."

He flipped her around, a silly giggle bubbling out of her as he intertwined his fingers with hers and pressed their entwined hands into the mattress beside her head, the sudden seriousness in his eyes stealing her breath away.

"I love you." He said softly, his voice cracking on the last word. "I love you, Emma Swan. I thought I could never find love again in my life. Until I met you."

His mouth found hers again, kissing her lazily while his hands roamed over her body, helping her out of her clothes. His following only moments later, his naked body pressing against hers, his arousal digging into her thigh as he lowered his head and sucked one nipple into his mouth. Teasing her, taunting her. His fingers trailing lower, parting her folds, sliding into her, and when she tumbled over the edge the first time he slipped into her, burying himself until the hilt, groaning softly as her walls clenched around him, his body arching above hers as he waited until the last ripples ceased before he started moving inside of her.

It was insane. She didn't think they had ever made love like that before. His thrusts seemed eons apart, his fingers and mouth were everywhere, worshipping her body, giving her orgasm after orgasm, denying himself to fall over the edge with her, but always staying inside of her. She didn't know how he was able to hold out for this long, but he did.

She felt boneless, her body exhausted from too many orgasms, but he still hadn't come and she needed him to, needed to feel him stiffen inside of her, but she wasn't sure she could take it any longer.

Pushing him back, she scrambled up on her knees, looking defiantly over her shoulder, her eyes trailing down his body to his rigid erection, glistening wet with her arousal and she licked her lips, heard him take in a sharp breath, and she dropped down on her elbows, stretching her ass into the air.

She didn't need to say anything. He knew what she wanted, and he reached for her waist, aligning himself at her entrance before slamming into her until the hilt with one swift jerk of his hips, making them both gasp.

Her walls were already sore, and her legs trembled as he started moving, thrusting deep into her with each plunge, and suddenly his finger was back between her legs, finding her clit.

"No, I ... I can't take another." Emma whimpered as he slid one finger back and forth over her over sensitive bud. "Killian, I ..."

"Emma, I need you to come around me one last time. I just ..." He panted behind her, his hips slapping against her ass as he took her hard, their skin both slick with sweat as he pounded mercilessly into her. "I need you."

She didn't think she could come another time but then his finger rubbed harder over her clit, and she moaned, burying her face into the sheet. It hurt. Her walls were stinging slightly from being stretched over such a long time, her bud was pounding as he flicked his finger over it, but somehow he managed to still get her close again, and she let out a scream when her stomach clenched and her walls fluttered around him, her body slumping down onto the bed as another orgasm rippled through her, and his fingers dug into her waist as he chased after his climax, her walls still gripping him tightly as he slammed into her. Once. Twice. His third thrust bringing him his own release, a guttural grunt rumbling out of his chest as he fell forward, his hips jerking against her as he emptied himself in her.

She didn't know how they managed to untangle themselves and crash down on the mattress but they did, and a shiver ran over her body as her heart calmed down and the sweat started to dry on her skin.

He shifted beside her, throwing the blanket over both of them and pulling her against his chest, his still damp hair tickling her as she pressed a kiss against his skin and wrapped her arm around his waist, writhing around until she found a comfortable position, listening to his heart beating steadily under her ear.

"Do you think we will make it?" She whispered, wondering if he was even still awake, but his arm tightened around her, his leg slipping between hers.

"Yes." He rasped. "I think we will make it."

"Good." She murmured, letting her eyes fall shut as she snuggled deeper into his embrace. "That's good."


	19. Chapter 19

**Epilogue**

Screeching and laughing echoed over the beach, the campfire burned bright and hot, the smoke wafting through the air and she inhaled deeply, her heart swelling with happiness.

They did make it. Maybe against all odds. But four years later they were still together. Still going strong. Of course the road had been bumpy. They did break up two years ago, over a silly fight. But they hadn't even been able to stay away from each other for two weeks. But they were still together _now_ , still deliriously happy.

Ian was racing over the beach, David plucking him off the ground and throwing him over his shoulder. Regina's two year old daughter Daphne was tumbling through the sand, crashing to the ground, and her lips were wobbling for a second before she suddenly turned and smashed her hands into the sand, screeching with delight when the sand was flying through the air and covering her.

Emma smiled. The grin pulling up her lips as she watched the scene in front of her.

She had gone back to the house to make fresh lemonade, but when she had come out she had just needed to sit down for a second on the porch swing and watch them all.

She was happy. So happy.

Tears bricked the back of her eyes, blurring her vision, and she chuckled, wiping away the tears. It was silly to cry. Silly to cry because she was so happy.

"Can you hold him for a sec, Emma. I need to rescue Daphne before she buries herself in the sand."

A bundle was thrust into her arms and she closed her hands instinctively, looking down at the face peeking out of the blanket. Jason was blinking up at her, confused for a moment to see a foreign face before he popped his thumb into his mouth and suckled, his eyes dropping shut, and new emotions washed over her.

"That was fast."

His voice made her jerk a little, but she smiled at him as he sat down beside her and throwing an arm around her. His fingers stroked over Jasons' fingers, and she could see his face split up into a huge grin as Jason opened his hand and wrapped his tiny fingers around Killian's.

"I want one."

She didn't know where it came from. No, actually she did know where it came from. She had thought about it often, but never thought the timing was right. But she wanted a child. She wanted a child with him.

"Want what?" He asked, tilting his head and meeting her eyes, the grin still playing over his lips.

She looked down at Jason, and up again, and his smile faltered, his eyes going round, his arm tightening around her, and his voice was hoarse, raspy with emotion as he croaked out. "You want a child? With me?"

"No. With Robin." She joked, and rolled her eyes.

But her heart was beating frantically in her chest as she watched him, afraid of his reaction. What if he didn't want children? They never actually talked about it. But he was a natural with children. They loved him all, and she had always assumed that some day … but maybe she was wrong … maybe …

"God, Emma." His mouth was on hers a second later, his lips pressing hard on hers. "I would love to have a child with you."

She gave him a shaky smile, her hand coming up to cup his face. "You would?"

"Yes. A thousand times yes."

"Good." She full out grinned now, and Killian jumped up, leaning down and taking Jason carefully out of her arms.

"Just need to give him back to his parents."

She looked after him as he hurried down the steps and over the lawn, giving Jason to his mother before turning around and almost running back to her. He pulled her up on her feet and down the stairs, his fingers wrapped firmly around hers.

"Where are we going?"

"Practicing."

"Practicing?" She asked dumbfounded almost falling over her own feet as he dragged her towards their own cottage.

"Well, we can't expect it to happen at the first try. Especially considering your advanced age."

She smacked her free hand against his chest but he just grinned like a maniac, and suddenly he leaned down and wrapped his arm around her thighs, pulling her off the ground and throwing her over his shoulder.

"Killian, let me down."

"Not until I have you where I want you."

"I can walk."

But he didn't budge, carrying her all the way to their cottage, only letting her down when they reached the bedroom and he could throw her on the bed.

She was giggling, like some twelve year old school girl as he bounced on the bed with her, the giggles getting stuck in her throat as he suddenly stilled beside her, his eyes turning into this stormy gray they always changed into when he was about to do very wicked things with her, and her heart stuttered in her chest.

God, she loved him.

And when his mouth crashed down on hers, and his hands started to roam over her body, eliciting fires over her whole body, she could only wish that they would never get tired of practicing.

**The End**

* * *

**Thank you all so much for the continued support. The comments and the kudos. You have no idea how much it means to me when people enjoy what I am writing.**

**Thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart!**


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